I turned 18 June 5th, and I was so ashamed of myself because I never thought I’d make it this far. I thought I’d be dead by now. I know I’m going to die soon, I’m getting too tired too fast and my will to live is almost nonexistent at this point. I’m not going to make it to graduation, but that’s okay, I was just another nameless face in the crowd. I’ve never been anyone special.
I wanted to be someone special, though. I wanted to be some great writer. I had such big ideas and dreams, but my depression killed them a long time ago. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if those dreams came true. I’m just a dumb kid. They never would. But I have nothing to lose by pretending.
A girl who used to be my friend wished me a happy birthday and told me about how I helped her thicken her skin and she admired my courage. It makes me want to laugh because all I ever do is fucking cry and lay in bed, I am the definition of a coward. But nobody knows because I can’t be like that in public. I can’t let other people see me like that.
God, I’m so far gone, I am beyond all help. It’s not even worth the time to try to help me, I just can’t connect with people and push them away. It’s just too late for me. There isn’t any point in going on anyway, I have no future to look forward to. I hate myself so much for this, I can’t believe I let myself become what I am.
Whatever. Nobody cares, anyway. I don’t even care about myself. I guess if you guys are bored, you could read my short story for creative writing. Here’s the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xrnAfsMYS03hDBdtsr-pkHeaawHFCFQMeh6y-LKXKsI/edit please please please write comments/suggestions. I need all the help I can get, I’m almost finished it. You probably won’t read it, though.