Okay, so here it goes. Im nearing an ultimate moral downfall now. Ive went from fastening belts on my neck or swallowing a couple of pills to straight forward assaulting myself. I entirely despise my whole life. Life has caused me nothing but pain and suffering. Each day I struggle to wake up properly cause theres just no reason to go on doing things people usually do at all. I have closed myself inside my cage. I dont usually talk, Im not socializing anymore. Been abused in school, first sexually when I was 13, then bullied and some physical violence too. Parents beat me up too sometimes and were very demanding, but the classmates were just awful. Thats when I started to cut myself. I slipped into depression, but went out of it. And then I got dumped and it all began again. I mean, sometimes Id rather crap my pants than get up. I dont eat, I dont drink. I faint, my mouth is all sticky. And when I do get better, I just sit in my room the whole time fantasizing about killing myself. I mean, I play a random sad song and just go on for hours. How Id kill myself, where, why, with what. And that, besides making myself puke or starving, occupies pretty much my whole day. Diagnosed now with borderline and bipolar, hell yeah like I didnt know Im screwed up beyond fucking repair. I hate therapists, theyre aint gonna change anything. I have a a sense of failure, Im the only one who hasnt gone to university, I got kicked out of school, I dont work and I have approximately no friends. Im just so fucking tired of it. Cutting helps only for like several minutes. Drinking – for one day. Basically every single thought in my brain causes me pain. Its like everything grew fucking hostile on me. Id pull at my hair and scream, and rock back and forth when no ones watching. My parents are tired of my shit, my grandmas tired of my shit, everyone. I have absolutely no desire to go on, and nothing to live for. Even my so called boyfriend is busy not giving a fuck about me. Oh, and these random calls from my uncle in USA who sees my statuses and pretends he cares. Well, roflmao.
So lately Ive been fully occupied with suicide. And I have a brilliant idea. Since someone just messaged me that I broke the rules by descriptions Ill just say Ill drug myself, tie myself up and jump off a bridge.
I just want to die so fucking much. I wish Id just expire. Please, let me off myself. I cant take it no more.
Die die die die die die