Okay, so here it goes. Im nearing an ultimate moral downfall now. Ive went from fastening belts on my neck or swallowing a couple of pills to straight forward assaulting myself. I entirely despise my whole life. Life has caused me nothing but pain and suffering. Each day I struggle to wake up properly cause theres just no reason to go on doing things people usually do at all. I have closed myself inside my cage. I dont usually talk, Im not socializing anymore. Been abused in school, first sexually when I was 13, then bullied and some physical violence too. Parents beat me up too sometimes and were very demanding, but the classmates were just awful. Thats when I started to cut myself. I slipped into depression, but went out of it. And then I got dumped and it all began again. I mean, sometimes Id rather crap my pants than get up. I dont eat, I dont drink. I faint, my mouth is all sticky. And when I do get better, I just sit in my room the whole time fantasizing about killing myself. I mean, I play a random sad song and just go on for hours. How Id kill myself, where, why, with what. And that, besides making myself puke or starving, occupies pretty much my whole day. Diagnosed now with borderline and bipolar, hell yeah like I didnt know Im screwed up beyond fucking repair. I hate therapists, theyre aint gonna change anything. I have a a sense of failure, Im the only one who hasnt gone to university, I got kicked out of school, I dont work and I have approximately no friends. Im just so fucking tired of it. Cutting helps only for like several minutes. Drinking – for one day. Basically every single thought in my brain causes me pain. Its like everything grew fucking hostile on me. Id pull at my hair and scream, and rock back and forth when no ones watching. My parents are tired of my shit, my grandmas tired of my shit, everyone. I have absolutely no desire to go on, and nothing to live for. Even my so called boyfriend is busy not giving a fuck about me. Oh, and these random calls from my uncle in USA who sees my statuses and pretends he cares. Well, roflmao.
So lately Ive been fully occupied with suicide. And I have a brilliant idea. Since someone just messaged me that I broke the rules by descriptions Ill just say Ill drug myself, tie myself up and jump off a bridge.
I just want to die so fucking much. I wish Id just expire. Please, let me off myself. I cant take it no more.
Die die die die die die
13 comments
You know that discussion of specific methods isn’t allowed here, right? Edit your post appropriately, or it will be deleted.
Oh okay.
Hey bridgejumper, first things first: drink a tall glass of water, then let’s talk! Seriously, dehydration adds to depression in a big way. Ok next, it sounds like you have a pretty brutal plan for yourself. Before you get to that point, have you ever thought about just running away? Because it sounds like half your problems are coming from the people around you. Even if you just pack your toothbrush & a change of clothes in a bag and just walk for a day or 2 (like I’ve been known to do) it does a lot to clear your mind. It really sounds like you’re getting suffocated where you are, so maybe it would help to get a breath of fresh air, literally?
Hahaha, yer so damn right. Theres a whole lot of things I didnt cover in this post, like, I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING FAMILY. Im so done with living in their house. Its always, youre a fucked up child, youre lazy, you dont do anything, grow up kind of stuff. When I need to file documents Im an adult yet when I wanna go on a trip they wouldnt let me because Im immature and need to grow up. They lock me up all day, the only way I could possibly get out is to jump out of the window. I just sit there and do nothing, yet Im accused of doing nothing when I do want to help. Everyone is bad. My boyfriend is fucked up, my ex girlfriend is fucked up, my friends are fucked up retards and basically everyone I ever knew is a loser but not them. When I was in hospital they would come tell me what filth I live in and how they are tired of me. Wouldnt even text me days of the lectures so I could go out and attend, prefered to just announce me Ive been sacked when it already happened. Also they call me fat and Ive been dieting because of that. Havent talked with them in other ways than through notes since a month. Gosh Im so fucking tired. Wouldnt that bridge be my salvation. They dont refuse to take me there, just steal their pills and jump already. Im so tired of their shit and they are so tired of my shit too. They would just be sad for a couple of days and get over it….
Ah I see the problem, it is a condition technically described as Assholophobia. Too many assholes. 97% of people suffer from this, but they just don’t know it. For real, can you escape out the window (soft landing if possible) and just get away from everyone for a short while? Important decisions should never be made under the influence of assholes. And suicide is sortofa important decision….
Yeah i heard about that condition.I also heard it passes from parent to the child.
You see it’s the asshole genes that neuroscience has recently found.It can have a great effect on changing persons personality in the early childhood if not threated right.
lol xirizo
Latest studies also show it’s not just genetic. It’s highly contagious. A global epi-fricken-demic.
Yeah i heard government is involved too.
Well, I dreamt of death for too long. I cant even imagine what normal – as in ‘not wishing to die’ means. I think it doesnt really matter if I live with my hateful parents or dont, my mindset is basically the same since I turned 13 and will probably forever be the same unless I decide to fix myself. I have already jumped off the bridge in my city but I survived (thanks God for being an asshole), but I will keep on repeating until I eventually waste away. You see, Im indeed kind of lazy. Because every therapist Ive been to (hell, next week Im going to therapy again lol) tried to make me aware of my mistakes and let me develop some coping skills but I just cant do it, and when I say it theyd be like, no, you CAN do it, its just that you dont even want to. And that pisses me off so much that I quit. When all you feel is pain, when you just cry yourself to sleep, been dumped many times, left by possibly best friends, alone on your own with your family hating you, hating yourself, your body and everything cause you know its actually YOU being a prick and making everyone else suffer, how do you cope? Yes, I have destroyed my whole house recently. Ive been running away. Insulting. Beating them up. All I do is hurt people. Hurt, and hate. Isnt this the best option to end the suffering. 3 seconds and its over. Maybe not clean, but over.
Oh don’t get me started on therapists, I’m right there with you. Of course we can fix ourselves *if we wanted to*. But nobody/nothing has given us a good reason. Or worse, people keep reinforcing the idea that we’re hopeless like it sounds like your parents and “friends” have done to you.
How about this uncle in the USA? At least he’s pretending to care. So maybe you can call his bluff, as they say. Show up at his front door and say you’re moving in for 6 months. Then once you’re in the USA, go visit the Grand Canyon. I hear it’s amazing.
To hell with that!