What should I do now? I remember this time a year ago, when I was on vacations from school for 2 weeks. I remember those 2 weeks were the worst days on my life. For 14 days I didn’t go out of my home. I would stay hours or days laying on my bed, doing nothing at all, constantly checking if I had any kind of message or something that meant that anybody thought of me in those days. Well guess what? No one did. I’m in a similar situation right now, but worse.
I finished a semester in school, and I’ve been on vacations for exactly a month, and I still have 2 more months until I return to school. I’ve lost all motivation to do anything. I feel sorry for myself every moment. The sad thing is: If I don’t talk to anyone at all, if I don’t send a message to anybody first, they don’t do it. They won’t do it. Nobody needs me. And I can’t talk to anybody about this.
My parents don’t have a clue, which is good, because I would be sent to some kind of creepy mental hospital and in the end everyone would know, and everyone would treat me like some kind of “special, different” person. And I don’t want that. My “friends” don’t have a clue either. If they did, at some point I will end scaring them off, and I know this because that happened to someone I know. I don’t want that to happen to me. I guess my only alternative is to continue “being okay” in front of everybody. I just hope I can make it through these 2 months.
Sorry if I sound like I’m exaggerating or like I’m an attention seeker. I’m not. And I know someone out there needs more help than me. I’m sorry. I just wanted to take this out of my mind somewhere.