This is probably the first and only time I will be truthful honest about who I am and I’m only doing this because I know none of you know me and never will. Anyways I’m a horrible person and don’t deserve the nice life I have. I’m not like most of the other people on here who have had terrible lives and just want to end the pain. I have many hardships but none nearly as bad as some, yet still here I’m am contempting suicide, so let me explain. I ‘ve done some pretty horrible things, one thing so bad that I can’t even say it here for fear that someone would try to get me sent to jail for it, even though I know I deserve it. Without going into detail I did something to someone close to me that I had no business doing and even though I knew it was wrong I continued to do it anyway, ending up hurt even more people I care about. In addition to this I’m also gay, which I dearly do not wish to be. Being raised in a extremely homophobic family I learned quickly how to hide this feeling, but doesn’t mean that they aren’t there, and that I feel less and less like a person the more they develop. I’m agonists, don’t know what to believe in, while the rest of my family are devoted Christians, even if I did believe I’m destined to spend eternity in he’ll anyways. I’m pessimistic, obviously, I see the negative in everthing, especially myself. Im selfish, I have no desire to help others, yet pretend like I do to look good to others. This list could go on and on, to summarize I am a fuck up, but strangly enough I’m a talented fuck up, I just recent graduated in the top 10 of my class. But that doesn’t make any difference, it just a distraction for people to think about so they don’t see who I truly am. Like I said, I done some horrible things, many of which can never be forgiven and I utterly hate myself because it. Its finally gotten to the point, after many years of battling severe depression, that I’ve given up on myself and realize that I’m not worth saving, that the world would be better off without me. I know people will miss me, but that’s only because they don’t really know me, if they did I’m sure they would hate me. This isn’t meant to be my plea for help, I already made up my mind. This is just my way doing something I been to afraid to do before, tell the truth. I’m messed up in the head, in more ways than one, and it’s becoming harder and harder to control myself. What’s worse is that my mind tries to justify what I’ve done, which just isn’t right. Maybe I do need help but it far to late for that. All that matters know is how, when and where.
P.S. Sorry for the horrible grammar.