I’m so exhausted and lonely. I am so alone. I just want to cut open my wrists. All I do is have pain. Fb’s come and go. No family. I guess god wants me to come home? i don’t know. all i see is a bad future. where i live is such hell. a woman actually posted a “go away” sign on her door. i can hear the new neighbor laughing thru the walls. wish she would shut up, wish i wasnt crying. i dont know how to keep doing this. tried to call a friend, she’s always busy. this is not a life. so much pain. so much struggle. so confused by it all now. all i can do is blame me. whatever i need is too hard to get anymore. if you cant function in society do you deserve to live? i guess not. this apt is so cold all the time its making me physically sick and the second hand smoke seems to be kicking in. is there any hope. i once hoped god cared but god doesnt b/c im alone. what do i do. i dont know. why do i have to die to live. why did he hurt me. why. this isnt bad its bad. why make me to break me. im just asking. just want relief and peace.
im scared of medication the new shrink didnt even call me back??? what is that???