I don’t matter much I know

I tried to save myself from me I tried to find ways to find peace I try to find happy bcuz happy won’t find me.
Every reason why I shouldn’t be here has arisen.
Depression has crashed down like icicles.
I will continue to cut all over my body as a signature of All the pain I have and can endure.
In the meantime I promise not to hurt those that hurt me in a way that they would hate themselves to face this too.. I just want peace for myself.
Waking up and Breathing is the hardest. It takes that peace away from me. I want to die in peace somewhere peaceful like a beach 🙂 after a day out there with my siblings, That would be my dream. Now I never want to leave them& Im fighting day by day to think of another away. They need me. I wish they were here with me Bcuz I need them. In my life I am not winning. I’ve only lasted this long by trying to change other peoples lives. Never did I change how I felt about myself but then again I guess helping ppl does make me feel better so it’s good either way right.. I wish I could have everything I needed to forget the pain I’ve been put through my whole life. If I had this many wishes tho that came true I would use it for everyone else on here who are in similar boats. I have the bad luck charm stuck in my soul & it won’t depart from me. I feel no matter how hard I try I will end up dead, life just doesn’t want me around to be happy. . And if it does,
Man how I (“wish”) life would start showing me it. Thank you if u read this, and if ur in a mess like mine… I will listen to you. I will try to be there as much as I can. We will stay strong together for as long as possible<3