I am 16 and I am introverted, I have social anxiety and I’m suicidal. Just this month I tried to kill myself two times, and in one of them I almost succeed. I had no friends and now I am giving all of me to make some, but at the end of the school year I feel even more alone than before. I am exhaust, sick of everything and alone.
They only invite me if I am around them when they speak about getting out, otherwise I am totally invisible. I am annoying, boring, and nobody is happy with me around them, some times I feel that nobody likes to be with me. They all have that friend with they love to be with, or that friend that they trust their secrets and here I am, being nothing more than I a body.
I have a best friend (I am not his) and he is helping me with this of suicide and that, but sometimes I just start fighting with him because I get jealous of him, and I push our friendship because I want to be his best friend, and travel with him. And then I realize the error I made I just start to hate me even more, and get even more suicidal. He says is no problem, but I feel that I am pushing him away, and this is destroying me inside, it is making me feel even more alone. I am so focused in somethings that I forget others, my best friend is always helping me and saying me what I did wrong and I should do … But then I try and I just can’t, I always screw up everything, and that makes me even more suicidal. (Not to speak about professors/parents pressure )
Sometimes I feel so alone that I start crying, even at school some times is really hard not to cry. I see everybody happy and with their groups and I am there, not fitting anywhere. I just hate myself for being this way, always with problems, a terrible friend, annoying, boring and that nobody like to be around. Yesterday I tried to kill myself and I almost succeed, I want to life but I don’t want to live like this, I just don’t know what to do.
Maybe I need a break, but at the end, life don’t stops for everyone …
ps: sorry for errors, English is not my first language
7 comments
Okay, let me preface this by saying that I struggle with this myself, thinking it is vain or deluded, or take your pick. But I’ve been told that you have to treat yourself as you would treat the person you love the most (or something like that). Maybe it’s true.
You can’t really change other people’s behaviour. Some will love you, some won’t.
Hugs
Thanks
Hello
well, I understand that, at the age of 16, things that would look totally trivial to adults like me may seem like the end of the world to you. Naturally, this is because at that age you still don’t have the personality developed and it seems that in order for you to be happy you absolutely must have the approval of others.
The third thing that you must do is to google search for books or writings about “Emotional intelligence”. I am totally sure that you are going to be amazed at the things you are going to learn and understand there. It is going to do you a lot of good. Do what I tell you. Don’t argue the point, you will feel much better.
greetings
I have read your post and I liked how you actually realized how and why you were acting with your friend one way or the other etc, so you analyzed yourself pretty well there.
I would suggest that you take one afternoon to write in short lines description of what you feel are your strengths and your weaknesses, and why you think you have those weaknesses.
This will help you understand yourself, know your powers and your limits and when you understand yourself this is when the stable personality stays. At this age you are developing, and consequently, and naturally completely messed up, so you test yourself by trying to detect how others act to you. That shouldn’t be so.
Second, you must forget about idealizing others believing that they are so perfect and happy and you happen to be the only dumb around. That is absolutely not so. That guy who you think is so perfect, maybe he has epilepesia, or he wanks all the time, or god knows what. Most people have lots of issues, but they don’t go around advertising them, so forget about thinking they are all perfect.
shit, i moved and messed the order of the paragraphs above, sorry for this, I did not realize I was not at the end of the writing but in the middle when I wrote my last one.
No problem, I understood it. Thanks
Some people will truly understand. People just need a little bit of hints sometimes that you are struggling. Well I’m the one to talk but it is somewhat an advice 😛
If they don’t want you, some wants you; like me. Being you and not try to fit in is the best days of your life, pay good interest in you, and let others talk all they want,if they pay attention in you that’s means they wonder about you so don’t give the satisfaction by looking down on your self. If it hurts so bad pay interest in your work, talk to your work, an it will work out well in the future by faith and hope, promise your heart and soul to fight till the very end, don’t end your self.
Dying in a battle is an honor,thus I say use all your can to stay alive,tomorrow you shall be honored.