I’m at wits end. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve a job I can live off of. I don’t deserve a place to live. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve anything apparently. I try so hard, but I’m worthless, useless, ugly, no one would ever want me. I know I shouldn’t do this but I want to prove that I’m right, and show you just what an ugly, hideous, wretched monster I am. I’m not mad at the person I love. I’m mad at the universe or any higher power that made me this way. Why make me dream of love and show me two perfect guys that I can never have the privilege of giving my heart to?!? I’m fucking pissed I’m alive! I’m fucking pissed that I survived birth! I’m fucking pissed at the doctor for getting me out and reviving me when I should have died! Isn’t that a fucking sign I shouldn’t be here!?! I’m pissed at myself even for not listening to anyone and always being so fucking set in my ways even at 5 years old. Everyone told me how I was supposed to look in order to be accepted and I fucking ignored it all! Maybe I did fuck up my entire life from the start. No one can ever love such an ugly face and monstrously deformed body. This is me. I’m fucking worthless. I’m also a fucking monster. Born female, male mind, changed my name and gender marker, for fucking what?!?