So, I have nowhere to rant so im just gonna do it here. Excuse my incorrect grammar and spelling or confusing stuff. Here goes. Please stick with me.
Everyone who I thought was my friend just ignores me. Im never invited anywhere when all my best friends go out together. People never text me, I have to text them first, and they just ignore me. I’m fucking sick of trying to make everyone happy when no one gives a shit about me. Thats one of the reasons why I have depression. Now let me tell about other stuff.
Im not sure how this all started off. I just remember trying to cut one day but I chickened out. A couple days later I did cut and I was so proud of myself. My cuts got deeper and deeper. It was an addiction. Im sure everybody around me noticed I was depressed but they didnt care. Even my mom didnt care. My friends didnt even give a shit. Im so sick of everyone else having a friend to go to but me.
I started to go numb inside. I also started to think about suicide. I seriously almost killed myself one day. It was hell, I was holding my knife, and having flashes in my head of killing myself. Im still in so much pain. School was hell, I was trying not to cry throughout the day. I cried as soon as I got home, cut, and went to sleep to escape from everything. The next day, I was so numb, not happy, not sad, just annoyed. I hated talking to people it was so irritating and took so much effort.
Anyway, my depression completely ruined my social life. I felt so sick of trying to make friends when I was just ignored. I was neglected by everyone so I didnt give a shit anymore. I blocked everyone out. Since I went numb and gave up on talking to people, I forgot how to hold a normal conversation. Now im known as the girl that never talks. I dont see the point in talking to anyone anymore, I forget how to talk to people normally. I fucking hate what my depression did to me.
Sometimes Im not depressed, I miss the feeling of sadness so I cut to make myself sad again. I love and hate depression at the same time. Its weird. Like, I want to be happy, but at the same time I dont. I still havent gotten better and I dont want to.
Anyway, if you read this whole thing, thank you so much. Goodbye now