So, I have nowhere to rant so im just gonna do it here. Excuse my incorrect grammar and spelling or confusing stuff. Here goes. Please stick with me.
Everyone who I thought was my friend just ignores me. Im never invited anywhere when all my best friends go out together. People never text me, I have to text them first, and they just ignore me. I’m fucking sick of trying to make everyone happy when no one gives a shit about me. Thats one of the reasons why I have depression. Now let me tell about other stuff.
Im not sure how this all started off. I just remember trying to cut one day but I chickened out. A couple days later I did cut and I was so proud of myself. My cuts got deeper and deeper. It was an addiction. Im sure everybody around me noticed I was depressed but they didnt care. Even my mom didnt care. My friends didnt even give a shit. Im so sick of everyone else having a friend to go to but me.
I started to go numb inside. I also started to think about suicide. I seriously almost killed myself one day. It was hell, I was holding my knife, and having flashes in my head of killing myself. Im still in so much pain. School was hell, I was trying not to cry throughout the day. I cried as soon as I got home, cut, and went to sleep to escape from everything. The next day, I was so numb, not happy, not sad, just annoyed. I hated talking to people it was so irritating and took so much effort.
Anyway, my depression completely ruined my social life. I felt so sick of trying to make friends when I was just ignored. I was neglected by everyone so I didnt give a shit anymore. I blocked everyone out. Since I went numb and gave up on talking to people, I forgot how to hold a normal conversation. Now im known as the girl that never talks. I dont see the point in talking to anyone anymore, I forget how to talk to people normally. I fucking hate what my depression did to me.
Sometimes Im not depressed, I miss the feeling of sadness so I cut to make myself sad again. I love and hate depression at the same time. Its weird. Like, I want to be happy, but at the same time I dont. I still havent gotten better and I dont want to.
Anyway, if you read this whole thing, thank you so much. Goodbye now
Find friends who give a shit, if you have look on the farthest corners of the Planet to find them. No one can beat depression alone. Do not let it get so bad that you start to get addicted to the depression as I did, and it becomes your best friend. Life will truly be hell then, trust me. Good luck to you.
yes, your “”friends”” notice the 4 quotation marks. those aren’t friends sorry to say. just have to accept the truth :/
BUT I totally understand what youre saying. I feel you. im also in love with being sad. it conforts me . and death also im attracted to it. just want to sleep eternally with myself in the unknown. but we’re put here for a reason. we just got to hang on
My teens were much like that. I turned to chatrooms to fill the social void. I had a large social circle, the daily chaters and the infrequent blips. I had friendships that lasted years without ever meeting. It’s something to try or whatever the new equivalent is. You are guaranteed to find at least one person on the internet to talk to on a regular basis.