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Oh boy,here we go again.

by AlphaQLife

you can call me G,and i will tell you more about me,i am 24 male
and live on a third world country called brasil,being born in the 90’s and stuff i was used to talk with more smart people
the way they dress,talk and walk back then was completly different,crime was “rarer” compared to today,200.000 prisoners in 99 and 600,000 in 2015,you could walk on streets at night without being afraid of being assaulted,killed nor raped
maybe i am overreacting,just because i was a kid things maybe looked different back then or not,but for me things really changed,all this sudden change in the world affected me badly,in 2001 i have moved to another city and this is when all the shit started,i’ve met a so called “friend” in this new city,and as a friend he have showed more of his friend,and one of his friends was/is a bullier,he would steal my money from lunch from everyday for atleast 2 years,but i could never told my dad because he never believed me,and when i ever told someone did something to me he would simple say “son,if someone did something to you is because you did something wrong and deserved it” and this made me develop hate towards my own family,my dad,but things don’t stopped there,this so called “friend” showed me even more friends,who would to mock me and find a way to steal from,got framed plenty of times for things i never done,and then at around the age of 14 i started to enter in depression and cut myself in the arm,around 40 scars going from small to big,nonetheless my parents discovered,because you know you can’t wear long sleeves for the rest of your life (duh),they sent me at countless psychologists and psychiatrists,medicaments including the ol’but gold ritalin,after this things got even worse,i started stealing from my own parents so i could give it to my fake “friends” so i could have someone to have fun with,then again my parents discoved and oh boy i got beaten,mind you that was at age of 16 or so,after that i broke up with my “friends” because i matured enough to discovered that i was using the wrong word all those years,they are called a-holes,i finally quit school (5th grade),and started doing what i always loved,play mmos,at the age of 18 i noticed that i was getting fat and real fast,so i decided and went to a gym,got in a good shape but then i noticed that people who frequent those places have the IQ of peanuts,and to make things even better one of those “friends” of the past visited me,i started getting paranoid all over and stayed in my home for the next 4 years being afraid that they would bully me again,and now trying to play mmos again i noticed that everything changed,they are filled with 14yo boys,memes,and all that stuff that i find unfunny,they have far less patience than kids from around 2005-2007 or so,i tried a mmo called DC universe online,met a cool couple from Singapore,very friendly people and for the first time in so many years i called someone friend and that time was for good,”i” paid for a monthly sub in the game so i could play all content with then,but i never had a work or my own money,so i stopped using my parents money because the increase in the dollar was/is out of control,so i stopped it because it was not possible to keep paying something so expensive and i have to break up with then,wich made me get worse,and as of today i got those fucked up feelings all over again,no friends and i want to kill myself for good,but i dont do because i love my mom and she would be real sad if that happen,but i know that i cant keep promises for long and i think now is really my time,i have to prepare myself for the next time they travel again so stay “alone” and do it,this way my mom is not the one who gonna find my shitty body on the floor but someone else,and with those feeling that i have to kill myself i can get really weird,i ask questions to everyone and myself,why i am here,what is my objetive? born marriage children death? is that all? this seens even boring than my actual life,sometimes i open the window and keep looking at the stars and wondering all of this,and then i finally understand that to end all this shitty i have to die.

tl;dr: my life sucks


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hiohneh 6/28/2015 - 11:27 am

I can understand feeling left out; wanting to talk with people who can actually have a conversation about life instead of making everything into a joke. It’s a good thing you broke it off with those “friends,” sometimes it’s better to be alone than with those who continue to hurt us. That doesn’t make the loneliness any easier, I know.

As a child, everything looks different. Everything seems better, and even the biggest problems we still believe in a solution. Now it seems the big problems will never be fixed.

I feel you are someone who has a lot of thoughts, someone who sees the world for yourself instead of having someone tell you what the world is. I can only hope you will be able to overcome this pain and find a solution other than death. I may be a hypocrite for wanting these things for others, but with so many idiots in the world, I don’t want to see someone like you who is intelligent be wasted away.

cre5 6/28/2015 - 6:18 pm

Hey man,

I have a pretty good love for videogames aswell, addicted to various mmos etc. If you wanna play like some f2p game with me on steam hit me up!

My steam name is cresbot. Let me know if you want to! 🙂

Stay strong mate.

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