When my mother died I was eight years old. When this happened my father turned to drugs and proceeded to neglect and somewhat abuse me and my brother (non-sexually). Every since then I have looked for some affection from any man, just to have them be kind to me or even love me. I was later molested by two men I was manipulated and broken.
Everyone says I’m beautiful, but I’m always ridiculed by guys for many reasons. And whenever I proceed to tell a guy I like him, he acts like i’m the most disgusting thing in the world.
But then I finally found a man who liked me for who I was. He made me feel wonderful. Then I found out he was having sex with other girls behind my back. Out of desperation I forgave him. But he proposed to someone else. He was 20 and I was 15. He found out I was cutting and cried and tried to stop me. I haven’t talked to him for weeks.
I don’t get to pick the guys I end up with. I have to have the ones who will settle for me. I’m not sexiest, but every man i’ve known has always been cruel to me.
Now I am 16. I enjoy having my breath taken away. I like to suffocate myself, it makes me feel very good. I’ve even stopped cutting.
The next time I suffocate myself should I just let go and say goodbye?
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3 comments
Don’t settle for any man, settle for the man you know will make you happy. Not all men all like that, know that. But be careful and don’t give up on life because you met less than good people in your life. Not everyone is like that.
At this age, it can be common to get deceived by older men because a 15 year old has very less experience dealing with men and less skilled at figuring out whose intentions are bad. But now are more experienced and skilled. So you have got more wisdom by suffering failure in relationship. I hopes you will be able to get a boyfriend. Always try to test the loyalty of your boyfriend towards you in the future and stick to standards.
Take it from someone that is 51…you will have no idea what you want from life until you are 40. You think these are the people you will need for the rest of you life but nothing is further from the truth. These are stepping stones and they will continue to be stepping stones for much of you life. Please relax and use them as such. They are meant to teach you what it is that you will need to make you happy. Now you know at least know what you don’t need and what you don’t want. The next step…the next relationship…will be easier and better.