I’m 34. Female. Just a few years ago my brother punched me in the temple. He said, “You were raped. That was a long time ago. Get over it.”
I was raped (the one he knows about in college). I’ve been raped a few times since then. I’ve had multiple suicide attempts. I spent three days in the ICU this last time. Failed again, and then my brother has the gall to say that to me and hit me.
The conversation started when I invited him to do a mud run with my husband. He said, “I hate your fucking guts.”
Interesting. I never knew all these years he had been harboring such resentment toward me. After he hit me I called my sister, and she was surprised I didn’t know. She said he must have been holding his anger in all this time and it just exploded. It didn’t help that he was piss-ass drunk.
I was raped at the college we were both attending. I have a feeling since he is my older brother he carries some pain and feels some responsibility for not being able to prevent it, but how is that my fault? Why did he take it out on me?
I used to live with my parents (for a long time), but I’ve since gotten married. He said all I did was lay around and mooch off mom and dad. When I tried to tell him everything I had been through in the years we never talked, he didn’t believe me. I told him about the electroconvulsive therapy (all 24 treatments), and the suicide attempts and the rapes after that first one. He didn’t believe anything. I showed him the vertical scars on my arm. Ummmm how can he not believe those?
I don’t understand why he hates me so much. I think it’s because he’s a snob and I am an embarrassment to the family because I haven’t amounted to anything and all I do is lay in bed (for the past ten years mostly).
My family pretty much thinks I’m a waste of space. At least, I am pretty sure they do. No one really understands depression and ptsd unless they are really going through it or have a heart of gold. It’s hard to see something that’s invisible to others.
I’m angry I didn’t call the police, but I thought, “He’s family.” I also thought, “Calling the police is the wrong thing to do.” “It will upset mom and dad.” “I don’t want the blame for any problems.”
Etc etc etc.
I feel like such a victim. So many men have treated me so poorly. I spent a week in the hospital once because of an asshole guy. Only my husband knows about that. It was long before I met him. He has a heart of gold. Now my brother has to be one of the assholes. I can just add him to my “asshole” list of abusive men.
Why? Why did my brother do this? Why did he say the things he said? Why didn’t I call the police? Why doesn’t my family talk about it? My parents love my brother. They love him more than they love me. Fact. I come from a snobby family, and my mom said last year I had to prove I deserved her love.
Yeah, my family sucks….to put it bluntly.
I have so many questions.
I hate people.
My brother saw me as a weakling and he beat up on me because he has problems of his own. Do I just scream, “Beat me up” subconsciously to people?
My parents pretend it never happened, but I have the medical record to prove it did. And suddenly it was my fault I was still angry a week after it happened? Thanks mom and dad.
I feel so misunderstood.
Why did my brother say those things? Why did he hit me? Where did it come from? Why doesn’t my family care?