How I felt before
I see vivid colors of mossy greens and scarlet. Mysterious and wonderful lands. Flying through clouds, Purple jungles, diving into white water. Yellow wind. Beautiful people who laugh.
Then I wake.
I wake,and everything goes static. Its all gray. And I can’t breathe. Or think. I want to close my eyes and sleep and drift away into calm dream. Return to the clouds. The purple jungle. just lay in my bed and pull the white covers over my head and forget there ever was a place outside of my mind.
But I’m trapped.
it is meaningless
the person is becoming the villain
shaded places in the mind
cut me kill me
I cannot live under these threats and hurtful insults anymore.
I loathe myself.
Its unbearable for a while when one falls into long bouts of confusion, stress, fear, and sadness. Its so easy to get trapped in one’s own mind, but once it passes, you become so much stronger and wiser. Even if you are not physically limitless, the mind is limitless and the mind can free itself. YOU ARE SIGNIFICANT. Stranger, I want you alive. Remember that time heals, and nothing terrible is permanent. I have full faith in all of you.
Look at the beauty and glory in this world. There is so much bad, but if you search hard, so much good. Scream into the wind, I love myself!! Because ultimately, Isn’t that enough? Make your life goal to become a good, kind, pure, and passionate human. So many of us die evil, never the chance to achieve. Don’t be them. You are better than them.
If you kill yourself. You will become one of them. Be strong. Not dying will be the hardest fucking thing you will EVER do in your existence but FUCK, is it worth it. You gain the motivation and energy to climb. the only effort you need now is to eat, drink, sleep, endure, live. Just keep your heart beating. The pain WILL cease. Sooner, much sooner than your mind tells you. There is nothing in comparison to the feeling of pure, true happiness. That’s why it’s worth it.
Stop bullying yourself. If someone is bullying you, RUN. cut your emotional ties. Run. Eat, drink, sleep, run.