I’m depressed. Wouldn’t be here writing this if I wasn’t. I come looking for answers knowing that there really are none. I don’t even know where to start. Things have gotten so messed up. Situations change but in reality we are stuck. We can try to change who we are inside, we can try and mask our pain but in the end it is still there. Honestly I’m just typing this as I go with no plan in mind. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Being different sucks. People don’t seem to understand me and because I’m different people want to protect me. Just because I have Aspergers doesn’t mean I don’t understand what is going on. I in fact understand it as well as you and just act and behave differently because I can’t help it. I try everyday to fight it but I have no energy left. 2 years of fighting this pain alone and I just can’t anymore it’s just too painful.
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2 comments
Putting on an act and trying to make everything look “okay” will of course be tiring. After awhile it becomes second nature, because when everyone knows what’s wrong you’re a pariah. You don’t even have to know what to say, you just have to feel it. Explaining the pain is hard, you can pull out a textbook and read all the symptoms to a group of “normal” people, but it won’t be the same as living it.
Although we feel alone, we are not alone. I want you to know this pain is universal, from the biggest cities to the smallest villages. Saying this probably won’t help because when the pain arrives convincing your mind otherwise won’t change a thing. At this moment I just want you to know that.
I know what you mean by being different and other people not understanding. Its a rough position to be in and I have been there most of my life an I often feel the way you do now. But I have found ways to cope with it. I also have found out that suicide is not the answer for me. I have attempted it in the past, 1 time I wound up in a coma for 2 days, it was rough. I hope you can find a way to cope with your issues and your Aspergers. I have a friend that has Aspergers so i Know that its a difficult thing to deal with. You might want to try finding support group to take part in. That way you will meet people with similar situations and you can make friend with people who understand what your dealing with.