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What is going on?

by LooneyLou

Whenever I get depressed or really upset, I get the shakes, and involuntarily rock back and forth, the itches start, and I suddenly need to fidget. These don’t always happen together. Different emotions trigger different things. When I cry, sometimes my brain feels like it completely shuts down and I don’t even think I’m breathing anymore, though that’s impossible. All I know is there is a wall in front of me, and I finally know what it’s like to not feel. I want to cry for days sometimes, but I apologize when I do cry, even if no one is around to witness it. I apologize to the wall, my tear soaked pillow, and my cat, even if she doesn’t care. I fight so hard for everything I have, and yet it’s still just out of reach. When I get into an argument with certain people, I feel like an iron fence that someone just smacked, reverberating with a harsh numbness. I want it to go away. Sometimes I think I hear voices, or at least my own, but I know it’s not who I am. I like to pretend that there is someone, a friend, or lover who knows what’s best for me and I can talk to, but maybe I’m just crazy. No one ever really cares.

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RIN 6/21/2015 - 7:07 am

I know the feeling. Sometimes when I get overly angry I start to sob uncontrollably. I want to sit in a corner and rip out my hair or take take just enough pills to feel numb. It’s hard when you get into arguements with those people you consider important in your life and start to overthink of what might happen if they leave you for being the way you are.
I’m working my way up right now, all you can do is strive to do something to take yor kind off of these things. Hit the gym, go for long walks, heck even lay there listening to your favourite music ( my recent thing to do right now) or even talk to someone. We are here for you to do that. If you need anyone to talk to you can reply and I’ll hit you up with my skype or something
All the best
RIN

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