Ok ok I’m gonna try to calm myself down enough to make sense… I’m a veteran infantryman/machine gunner from the US Marines, I’m 27 next month, and I have a 2yr old son& and baby on the way… Regardless, I lost my job, I’m in Australia with no family, my partner can’t come with me for many months if I leave and I can’t take my son from her… It would kill her. My life has been contemplated in the past and now I don’t know what what to do. I’m not gonna be one of these ones that get into elaborate plans of suicide, I’d have done it years ago but my son is the thing that stopped me. I love him so much, he’s my buddy. I have told my partner it’s not about us anymore, it’s about him, the day he was born it was about ensuring he has the best life possible, but how can one accomplish this when it is nearly impossible? My life consisted of a childhood torn from an American military father by an Australian mother, my sister turned to pornography and I turn to murdering people for the government. I’m a recluse, I choose to steer away from society out of fear. I spend all my days at work (when I have a job) and with my son and partner. She is an Australian and therefore bound to Australia until we are married, thus why she can’t come if I leave and my son I will not tear away from her. She also has two sons to her ex which pains me to tear her away from. I have no job prospects back home nor here. Our savings are dwindling like a candle in the wind, and I fear what is to come out of love for my little man. I do not want to kill myself Because of the love he and I share, but I fear it will soon happen as I need to leave in hopes to set up a better life back home for them but the chances I will fail and I will not see them for a long time if I leave. But if I stay we are surely doomed as we cannot get ahead. I served my country honourably, I don’t understand what I have done in life to deserve this bad luck. If I spent hours on her I’d explain a whole life of luck, not good but bad. Is luck real or is it being in the right place at the right time or the wrong place at the wrong time? Because of the government protocols my partner is left her and I am forced to leave, I am a godson person, a good father, a strong worker, but not a strong enough person to handle what I’ve done in my life and fight this fight anymore. Life is too hard these days, I worked hard and lost everything.