Well, I don’t know what I am doing here. I have officially ruined everyone I am close to’s life. I had a best friend, the only one I’ve ever had, and I ruined it by being an ass. No surprise here. My family is so awesome, and I keep messing it up for them. I can’t stop, either. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, and I’ve basically lost all control of myself. I ruined my life a long time ago, but I deserved that. I don’t know how to stop. How does one start over and become a better person? I don’t think it’s possible for me. I know that everyone would be much better off with me gone (myself included). I am a jerk, I am insensitive towards others feelings, I am a hypocrite, and I am useless. Nobody really wants me here. But I’m still here, because I haven’t yet gotten enough courage to get rid of myself. I haven’t helped anyone. I am angry at everything because I hate myself (which I entirely deserve). I don’t know why I am writing this. I ruined my brother and sister’s life because I’m a selfish jerk.
I always find it amusing when people say “someone cares”. What if that’s the reason this person is getting rid of them self? What do you tell them then? I don’t deserve to be cared about. I would know—I have known me the longest. People don’t really care anyway. We’re all selfish bastards. Life doesn’t get better or easier or anything. You learn to deal with more, or it breaks you. And eventually, we all break. Living seems so pointless to me. Why care if it always ends the same?