why do i get this life

well the past 2 days have been the worst. to start with i started cutting 3 days ago one of my best friends oded on pills and i don’t know if she is alive right now. ive been thinking about hanging my self for the past 2 days and i have a pill bottle on my desk full of random shit. im not scared to kill myself just scared to fail(again). oh and on top of that my best friend was in a car accident that left him paralyzed. why do i get the shittest life possible. honestly i could write a ten page essay on reasons to kill myself and i could maybe just maybe write one sentence on why i shouldn’t.