I doubt I posted often enough previously for anyone to have taken notice that I haven’t posted anything for some time now… The simple explanation is that I did not feel the need to. Every negative feeling for some reason subsided for a while, I was happy-ish. My boyfriend and I were getting along well, I finally managed to fit in amongst decent people.. Then I got admitted to hospital.
For physical reasons only was I admitted for three weeks, which took its toll I suppose. I was discharged a few days ago and honestly I’ve never felt worse. My boyfriend has decided once again to go back to ignoring me and never wanting to see me, my supposed ‘friends’ didn’t even know I was in hospital, and lo and behold my ex pops up everywhere I go (for those who have not read my previous posts; my ex was a vindictive, manipulative bastard and yet I still care about him, which sucks because I’m in a sort of loving relationship and I would never jeopardise it.. But they do say you never truly get over your first love haha).
Anyway, long story short; I see a hell of a lot of shit-storms heading my way now I’m back in this shitty mindset. I don’t know what to do anymore.. As soon as things start looking good something else comes along to fuck it up. I really thought I had it good this time and look what ducking happened. I can’t believe it… In fact no I can. It’s typical life being a pain in the ass ***** and I. can’t fucking take it anymore. I’m sick of having to work my ass off to get to a stable state just to have the world decide to rip this newfound happiness apart just because ‘life’s not fair’. Well fuck you life. You are a mere blip in the life of the universe and I am nothing more than a millisecond within that time cycle. I’m sick and I’m tired and I just want out. I want out. I want god damn out.