Existential Crisis

My psychologist says I’m having an existential crisis and have been my whole life pretty much. It’s strange coz I just laughed when she told me, I am numb; it wasn’t funny. I don’t care about my family anymore, I don’t care how my suicide would affect them; I just wanna die.
“Cow” by Sparklehorse, I’ve been cutting to this song for three years so it’s quite sad and trigger-ey for me. I remember this one time I was cutting, I accidently stabbed myself and it went about 4cm in. I find it funny that I can mess myself so bad and no one ever knows. Three-year addiction that’s impossible to break, paranoia and psychotic tendencies on and off for three-ish years and suicidal thoughts for most of my life; I’m a wreck. I’m 13 and being pumped full of drugs.