History, Future, Present, Need Discussion

Does anyone know about the Siege of Masada? Or why history repeats it’s self, only the venom becomes stronger (technology)  war and fighting comes to mind right off, add in severe hunger and a true psychopath can come out. Karma, Dogma, Poor Programing Intelligent Universe? Why did/do I need to live in or around and be a predator at the expense of others? Who and what needs this information and behavior? How far back does one have to stand to make any sense of “sweat of the brow” slavery and decay pain including painful repairs. Pain, what an invention, invisible and truly disquieting or worse, find one’s self severely defective and dependent on the luck of the draw. Seems anything goes except a true sense of everything will be alright.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Masada

So here is the historical article where suicide is WHAT? A protection? Best available medicine? The article even suggests, blames, those who decided to take a drastic action, as unwilling or stupid for not being flexible or unable to adjust to new circumstances. Yep, that Roman slavery is the Disney Ride I want to go on.

I have visited some writing here, it is as if these folks are doing my biography.

So “Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death” Who gives anyway? Some if not most. I try say “Take Me Liberty or Take Me Death”.

I feel no Liberty with stomach, sun burns, I heard, “I loved my children so much, I had none, ME!!! But that leaves no friends if extended to the whole.

So the “world” is so hurt and the universe so jagged and unfriendly, could anyone tell me how to perceive life as a joy and gift that YOU would want to share?

I find myself here everyday, triggered to the max upon waking and go asleep hoping never to be consciousness again.