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i have to convince myself

by nomorepain461

i have to convince myself that i not trying hard enough and using my chronic illness as an ecuse to give up, not try, and be unhappy. If i dont, my girlfriend who i love dearly will leave me. I cannot talk about my chronic illness, and my attempts to cope with it. I must listen to her vent and say that i dont listen to her, that i dont love her or her son, that im selfish and all that. Its fine. I do use my chronic illness as an excuse. Im not truly trying hard. I was giving up, and saying that “i cant overcome” instead of saying that “i can do anything” I will work harder to be in an upbeat mood, because my selfishness will leave me alone. I will overcome. I can do this. I love her. No more complaining. Also, if she needs to vent and i feel its not fair, i just must deal with it. I must practice my smile as well. If im going to live for others, i must try harder, before they tire of me and my selfishness. Β can do this.


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Mf 7/19/2015 - 8:34 pm

I was on a similar situation a couple of years ago (which didn’t end in a good way for me) so this might be a bit biased so take it with a grain of salt. So, you have a chronic illness and you can’t talk about it, complain about it, do anything about it besides enduring it and continue to provide for your girlfriend, who in turn, vents without any problem about how selfish you are for being affected by… yeah, a chronic illness. To top it off you are convincing yourself that you have to suck it all in and just roll with it, so you won’t lose them.

That’s all fine, but it’s not really fair for you. They call it a chronic illness for a reason, it’s not like a flu that you can just dismiss. I’m pretty sure you love your gf and her son, but i’d say the only healthy thing to do would be to make meet ends. You could try a little harder and complain a bit less, but your gf should try being a bit more sensitive about it when you do. Otherwise you might end up just resenting them and that’s the last thing you want.

Usually people have no idea how a chronic illness really is until they do have it, so yeah… try to get to a healthy agreement, i guess that’s the best for both parts.

nomorepain461 7/19/2015 - 9:33 pm

Thanks MF. That means alot.I will think very much on what you said. And im very sorry that things didnt end well for you and that special someone. I will try to get to that agreement you mentioned. Thanks again. πŸ™‚

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