I need someone

okay so I’m a 15 year old girl( I turn 16, in just over a week) and instead of being absolutely over whelmed with excitement for my birthday, which’ll be spent with friends and false happiness. But nonetheless right now all I’m filled with is a numbness and thoughts that are bad and time consuming.

Its not a new feeling to me considering I’ve been feeling suicidal since I was 10 ( which was the first time I tried to suffocate myself ), the feelings have never really abandoned me, and i always feel like I’m stuck with them. It didn’t help that earlier this year, around March, I finally told everyone that I am feeling down continuously and suicidal, and the doctor announced me as being depressed and I’ve been on the highest dosage of depressants a minor can take. Which sometimes I feel as if are the only reasons I sometimes smile at all.

But yeah, I think I’ve only just found this website because my suicidal thoughts are worsening and I don’t want to go back to hospital when everyone believes I’m getting on the road to recovery, yet I can’t talk to them because I can see the stress and hurt it puts them under. So I was just wondering if someone out there would  be willing to talk, or be a friend; preferably in the England region. Also I know I haven’t covered the reasons why I feel so shit, but I hope to be able to talk with somebody about them