I see you.

Dammit ceph. I was all set to declare today an epic defeat, proclaim that nothing ever makes sense anywhere, and cast myself into the emotional maelstrom of self loathing after making a pit stop here to see if anyone else had lost their mind today. And the first post I saw was yours which made me snap to attention and start to think that maybe the world does make sense, even if it’s just the idea that all our torturous soul-searching questions don’t really matter.

And to read that I’m actually on your randomize playlist… well wow. That’s just like a big ice cream cake and balloons. Really, it somehow validates my existence in the best way.

Yes, I think loneliness is entirely self-imposed. That still doesn’t mean we have a choice in the matter. It just means that it’s an individual prison of our own design. Of all the hundreds of posts we see on SP, it seems like loneliness is the top reason for suicidal anguish. With good right. Once loneliness sets in, it spreads like wildfire, creating a greater disconnect between the victim and the world, as well as an unwillingness to bridge that disconnect. If left alone to ponder loneliness, I have no doubt that even the most stable person would go batty.

Still, I think some people are much more sensitive to loneliness than others. Maybe, like you said, it’s starts with feeling different. And that feeling is exacerbated by our perception of other people who seem happy & social. And we convince ourselves that we can never be like that. And voila… hello loneliness.

What’s funny is we each have the tools to end loneliness. Contrary to what we may say here, nobody is a contagious leper who is pelted with rocks and cabbage the minute they show their face on the street (apologies to any contagious lepers in out there reading). Even this site is proof that there’s always someone willing to reach out across the void and take your hand.

So I conclude, in my case at least, that there’s something about loneliness that I WANT. There’s something preferable in misery and isolation, over the chaos of meeting strangers at the mall or a pub or whatever. Maybe it’s a sick game we play, sort of like the way thrill-seekers bungee jump off bridges. And I think the answer is (just like the thrill seeker) to accept that you’ve chosen to do this, hazardous as it is. And, occasionally it’s ok to admit that you’re NOT completely alone & hopeless, but there are some great people, and graffiti artists evidently, who are looking out for you.

Well damn I’ve rambled on way too long, and I’m not even going to proof read what I wrote for sensibility or I’m likely to delete it all and resume my pointless descent into darkness. But for what it’s worth, ceph, thanks for this little ledge to break my fall.

And by the way, if you really see me, would you care to tell me where I left my frickin wallet because I can’t find it anywhere.