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Idk what to do.

by Lostman101

This is my first post so bear with me if i make a mistake. My name is Curtis, Im 14 year old male and this is my story. My parents split when i was 3 and i never thought much about it and when i reached Grade 4 my dad came back into my life. I was so happy i couldn’t believe it i missed him so much. After a year and a bit it was October of my Grade 5 yead and it was my weekend to see my father. When i arrived i went to my room to sleep cuz it was late the next morning i woke not in the greatest mood but everyone has thoughs days right?  I was really cranky and i pissed my father off and he got his gun and went out back by the pool and i followed him. He yelled at me and pionted the gun at me i screamed them my father put the gun to his head and said ” this is all your fault” and puller the trigger. I watched as my father ended his life snd said it was my fault. I couldnt bear it. The pamedics came and i was found with a razor cusptting myself. I never even thought about cutting till that day. I was put in a hospital cuz every chance i had i tried to kill myself and cut. I went through therapy and they had to keep me sedated so i couldnt end my life. When i got out i came home and i was so depressed i had no one and this high school boy was my friend and i am bi so but we got really close and he was bi to and we ended up having sex but after a while i said no more but then him and his friends raped me on more then one occasion. My life sucks i want to die i cut almost everyday i lied to my girlfriend saying I stopped just so she wouldnt worry. I need help i have no one to talk to about this so thats why i came here. I gave a plan to end my life on July 28 and i think im gonna go through with it. I hate living i hate life i just wanna die. I have really bad depression, anxiety, i self harm. Im fucking messed so I’ve decided i need to die ok

Lostman101

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6 comments

anotherfailure 7/19/2015 - 1:12 pm

I can’t imagine the pain you have to carry every day and i really wish i could sit next to you and talk to you

However, death is never the answer and as much as i hate to say it as it sounds really annoying, there are no matters we can’t overcome. When we are at the lowest point of our life, we stop thinking the good things. But maybe, you can try to do so?:)
good memories are really powerful

And perhaps, you want to talk to me abt your situations? I might be able to help or at least i’ll listen:)

I hope you can find something that can bring the spark to your life:)xx

cl0udydays 7/20/2015 - 2:05 am

If you think that’s the road to go down, then there is no stopping you.

Mf 7/20/2015 - 2:09 am

I have to say this, you do know it’s not your fault right? nobody does something like that just because someone else gets on their nerves, if it wasn’t you it was going to be something else. I’m pretty sure people have told you that a million times before but i just had to say it.

Other than that.. well, at your age, guys who think they are bi do act like you describe and do stupid things like rage raping others… i’m pretty sure it happens often (heard it before, several times). Try to stay away from guys like that, otherwise you are just asking for trouble.

I know it might sound like something really difficult to do, but i would consider hanging on for a while and see how things go. You are still really young and your life can change in a million ways over the years. Maybe you could focus on something you want to do with your life? better to exhaust all your options first (since death is so definitive).

Mf 7/20/2015 - 2:11 am

Btw (i forgot to write it before) i’d advice that you remove your name from the post. You don’t need to share it and it might get you in trouble if someone you know happens to find it by coincidence.

Elizabethedeh12 7/20/2015 - 9:51 pm

please dont thats all I can say

vandy 7/31/2015 - 7:24 pm

Curtis, I am so sorry. Please don’t hurt yourself. Talk to me if you need help. Sending lots of love your way.

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