Living, Breathing Something…

I know that most of you don’t know my story or what I’ve been through and what I’m going through now, the thing is, my story is a little too long, but right now…I just need help…my parents keep dragging me down and day by day my suicidal thoughts grow bigger and bigger and bigger…I’m just about ready to put on my black dress, my white floral heels, my floral black net leggings, do my hair and make-up, right a good bye note to my family and take the bottle of pills I’ve been stashing up, 197 of them 20mg each, that’s 3,940mg in me, and I only weigh 72 pounds…and 18 years old. Each day my parents argue with me and call me mean and hurtful names to the point where it makes me feel like I’m a burden…but I have a wonderful boyfriend who lives in a different state than me who loves me so much, and then I have two amazing best friends who love me dearly, they cross my mind whenever I’m about to do something stupid, problem is I bearly see them, and my boyfriend lives somewhere else than me and I’m with my parents…I don’t know what to even do, I’m tired of living, but I don’t want to disappear from the ones that love me, I’m terrified of life, and right now as you’re reading this, I’m still struggling, my suicides thoughts are still in my head…some one save me from this negativity that’s eating me alive…