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midnight jitter-me-timbers

by kills

“What’s your plan?”
I don’t have one.
“You’re trusting providence.”
I nod.
“You get angry and blow up at the slightest criticism of yourself, constructive or not. You can’t accept any from anybody.” She said observantly.
No. I don’t.
“Why?”
People criticize what they don’t understand.
“Well, you’re going to have to learn. Learn to accept advice.”
No. I never will.
“Why not? You are suffering.”
We all suffer. We only ask for advice when we feel lost. I’ve never needed advice from anybody. Life, is all about learning we have all the answers we’ve ever needed inside of ourselves. Truth is we’re never lost. We only feel it.
“You can still come here; we aren’t kicking you out. We can still be friends.”

I stared into her eyes as i felt like James Dean in the Sunset sky.
She walked into the house…
I looked across the street.

Tonight marks a new chapter. I’m finished here at this bunker here. Pitched a tent for a month in the backyard of a “friend’s” parent’s house. Time has run it’s course. Quit my job today too and I never felt more empowered. Fuck that piece of shit job. People come to me. I don’t go door to door begging people to listen to me. That isn’t what a prince does. That’s not what a star does. Not me anyway. People come to me.

My cheque comes in some time tonight. I so want to run away again. This time to Spain to walk the Santiago de Compostella pilgrimage journey. But I don’t think now is the right time. We’ll see what I feel tomorrow but something will come up and direct my way tomorrow. I’m sure of it. Flights go for about a 1100$ to Spain from here. Most of my cheque would be gone and I got some pressing debts on my ass. Again, fuck debt and we’ll see. That nervous energy for what tomorrow will bring is what’s keeping me up though. I should try to sleep.

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LittleBead 7/31/2015 - 3:55 am

You are wrong, Pat. People criticize when they are mean or when they see that one could perform better and try to help. But anyway…

When you will be in Spain, let me know. I don’t say that I will go there like I had wings or so…But RyanAir has some good, cheap options sometimes, so – who knows?

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