I lie in bed, low, apathetic, empty. As usual. Like every day. Life hasn’t felt good since I was a child.
I’ve heard people say that suicide will not solve any problems and will only create a new ones. In my case, I think more problems would be solved that created. Of course, people close to me would have to deal with a loss, would have to burry me, which would be expensive, and then they would be grieving. It’s only two people that would have to suffer. I don’t want to hurt them like that, but I feel that me being alive is causing them more pain than me dying. While I am alive, I can continuously create new problems and hurt people that matter to me; I’m like a cancer that they can’t beat. When I am dead, that’s it. They would go through grieve period, finally accept that I am gone and move on with their lives.
I’m in debt because of my stupidity, I sit at home whole day and hurt everyone. I hate people. I can’t do anything. I’m useless. I am a disease. I’m nothing. I shouldn’t be here.
5 comments
I feel the same. Realy understadn what you are describing, i feel the same every day. if you want to talk you can email me at: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards, Stefan
” In my case, I think more problems would be solved that created.”
This is such a hilarious statement. No one ever came back from killing themselves to say how it is like on the other side (IF there’s anything after the body dies). I don’t deny the possibility of suicide leading to negative consequences as I also don’t deny that there is a possibility of absolutely nothing bad happening to a person after they kill themselves, but statements like the one above are the reason anti-suicide people are so obnoxious.
“B-but suicide isn’t going to solve any problems”. Yes, it will. You die, your problems are gone.
“B-but suicide isn’t the answer”. That is not up for you to decide.
“It is not true that no one cares about you. I do care about”. No, you are just a pathetic liar who can’t accept that others don’t see the point in living anymore.
Etc…
Sorry for the little rant. The hypocrisy in this site gets to me sometimes. Lol.
Edit:
I quoted the wrong part of your post, the correct one is:
“I’ve heard people say that suicide will not solve any problems and will only create a new ones”
I feel the same.. Not that saying this is going to help you but still
I feel like a burden, too. But at the same time I don’t want to hurt them with my death. But at the same time I hope my death changes them for the better. I feel like I can do more good dead for those close to me than being alive causing stress and problems and such for the rest of their lives… why am I always so damn conflicted.
I too feel like I shouldn’t be here. I’m not good at anything people value for money. And money rules our lives… I hate it with a flaming, furious passion. I am always a disappointment with my anxiety and depression. I hate that I was born into this life without my permission. I would have chosen NO, fuck no.