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Now I know

by Katki

So, I found out for the first time in 20 years that I was right.. Being married did NOT give him permission.

When I said NO and when I was asleep and woke up with him on top of me it was NOT consensual.

Multiple times over a long span of time I lived in Hell because it was his ‘right’ as my husband.

FUCK YOU – YOU LOUSY MISERABLE SONOFABITCH – HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME? HOW DARE YOU!

HATE and ANGER and DEPRESSION and MISERY and its all because of YOU, YOU BASTARD

I want to SCREAM –  all these fucking years like this because I WAS RAPED

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silvermoon 7/8/2015 - 2:05 pm

There are websites like Pandora’s Aquarium where you can meet others like you suffering like this where you can seek support.

Opacity 7/8/2015 - 3:25 pm

Charge him for rape and sexual assault. If he did it to you he’ll do it to others.
Men like that should be required by law to become enuchs.

Katki 7/8/2015 - 4:22 pm

Thank you for the link silvermoon I will check that out.

Opacity – Its too long ago .. When I divorced him my lawyer told me it would be too hard to prove – I know that attitudes have changed since then, but I just want it to go away – he is remarried and has other children – the problem for me now is – I don’t know what to do with this knowledge.. Do I continue to let it poison me from the inside and keep my mouth shut? What about the 2 children I had with him.. their father – do I tell them? Wouldn’t that be cruel – to tell them the real reason our marriage ended? I don’t know what to do

Opacity 7/8/2015 - 5:59 pm

Are they adults? Don’t tell them if they’re under 18. If they’re over 18, perhaps you should tell them. The truth will hurt, but it might be better than living in oblivion and thinking their father is such a great guy. Idk. You don’t have to get graphic (nobody wants to hear the details of their parents’ sex life), maybe just say something like “I’ve recently realized that in the past your father committed a series of sexual assaults against me. It was not consensual. I wanted to tell you so you knew why we divorced.”
It’s up to you though, only inform your kids if you feel comfortable about doing so and think they should know.

Katki 7/8/2015 - 7:31 pm

They are adults now – but I’m so afraid it will make them hate me.. for telling them you know? Oblivion is sometimes better than knowing the truth – at least you don’t know you have major shit to deal with… I don’t know what to do

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