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Before you convince yourself that now is the time to leave this world and enter a whole new dimension of an unknown abyss, ask yourself these questions. (and feel free to answer them yourself in the comments):

What makes it so hard for you to stay?

What do you view suicide as?

How would you commit suicide?

On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.)

Why would those people miss you so much?

What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?

What are some goals you have for yourself? (Doesn’t even have to be big goals)

What are 4 positive things that you would miss?

I did something similar to this before, and as a result I noticed a lot of people thinking more about their situation, myself included. I think it’s a good idea to ask yourself some personal question where you realize the value of your life. I don’t know many, or really any of you personally, but what I have seen from past and present post on this site, is that you are all lovely people, that seem to have very realistic goals in life, and I would hate for those goals to be demolished by suicide. Even if you don’t feel as if you have people in your life that would be affected if you left, and even if you really don’t, you have yourself, the person you were given to take care of and watch over. I know this is such a strange perspective to look at your own life as, but you received your own body, your own thoughts to nurture and grow with. And I understand that some days you just fall so deep into such a dark place it never seems like you’ll recover, but days always get better, I’ve been through some shitty days, days I didn’t want to recover from, days where I spent the entire time laying on the floor, incapable of even crying, but it got better, it always gets better, because when you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up. I hope this post helped someone, even if it helped you a little tiny bit, that would brighten my day, and make this one of those better days. 🙂 Feel free to comment, I respond as much as possible! And I love reading what you guys have to say, positive or negative. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I really do appreciate it.

From one person struggling with suicide thoughts to another.

-KissofDeath

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newname 7/10/2015 - 3:41 am

About a week ago I seriously contemplated the idea of killing myself. I thought of all the things that are wrong about my life, why they can never be fixed.

I’ve gone through a lot, not just in my life-but also in terms of mental growth, through many debates and arguments with friends/family and realized how useless and worthless they all were.

The only thing that stopped me from taking the next step and committing suicide was the difficulty of the process. I know there are many risks and there is no sure way to die aside from drugs that have been banned by religious psychos because they think they can impose their lunatic views on everyone else, but I’m digressing.

On the other side, there were things I still wanted to do with myself-knowing this is the only life I get, I figured I should play it out and see what happens. But the truth is that I would’ve killed myself in about 10 different occasions like that, where I felt there was no point to go on.

My life is bad but not so dire that suicide becomes the easier choice to make. Living right now is that easier choice-but not by much, believe me. I won’t get into my sob story about how much I hate my parents for putting me here, hating myself for making stupid decisions, being a coward when I should’ve been brave, missing out on great opportunities with women and career that would’ve made my life a lot better, etc.

Most of the questions you posed are simply not relevant to me, I’m not really going to miss anyone-once you’re dead, you’ll never know you existed. You cease to be, unless you think there’s an afterlife-I don’t believe in religious based nonsense, since there’s no evidence for any of their crazy rantings.

People are on a distribution curve, some people who hit rock bottom will go up, while others will stay there or go as long as it’s humanly possible-before death. Though death is a mercy compared to same terrible states people could still live in, like being a sociopath’s hostage (or ISIS) or living on the streets, vulnerable to terror and pain of the elements and thugs who pick on the homeless. Or one could end up living paralyzed or with a terrible diseases that kills them slowly. Death is preferable to all these other extreme states of existence.

newname 7/10/2015 - 3:45 am

Corrections:
-“and realized how useless and worthless they all were.” (referring to the debates, though some people in my life are pretty useless too)
-“while others will stay there or go as long”…low, (not long) as it’s humanly possible

newname 7/10/2015 - 3:58 am

“But the truth is that I would’ve killed myself in about 10 different occasions like that, where I felt there was no point to go on. ”

I meant if I had a surefire way to do it that would be quick, painless and guaranteed to work. Right now I don’t know of any non-violent, non-painful method that doesn’t carry serious risks.

One of the reasons I’m still around is that I like girls-a lot and they make living worthwhile, I also like nature, traveling and have various other interests. I also believe that I can become successful because I possess unique talents-but I won’t elaborate on that here.

KissOfDeath 7/10/2015 - 4:42 am

Your reasoning for still being here being caused by having no guarantee of a painless, non-violent death- or even the guarantee of death- is a large part of the reason why I haven’t committed suicide also.

Considering the questions of no relevance to yourself:

When posting I should of thought of the relevance to one’s personal religious beliefs- I myself am agnostic. I suppose now “What are four positive things you would miss” seems rather silly, since you brought up the valid point on after death you are non-existent, and I really have no rational argument besides that I was trying to make people perceive four positive things they would miss in their life, if those things were taken away from them. I believe that is the only question that wouldn’t have relevance to you considering religious preferences.

I also like girls, nature and have various other interest. 🙂 I believe I have observed one of your unique talents; you are obviously a person with an high intellect, I greatly enjoyed reading your response- which seems to be another of your talents, writing.
I would love to hear about your other unique talents, unless you decline.

Lastly, I would like to thank you for reading my post and taking time to reply such an riveting response. 🙂

shadowonthewall 7/12/2015 - 9:02 am

Interesting thread.

What makes it so hard for you to stay? Mainly intense feelings of loneliness, having failed in terms of my career and independence.

What do you view suicide as? An escape from a condition (Iife) that I did not bring upon myself.

How would you commit suicide? It was going to be inhalation of a toxic gas, mixed up in my car. Now I’m leaning more towards good old fashioned hanging. I have the means to do either, in my possession.

Who would miss you? Only 3 people in the world would miss me at all, my mother, father and sister. Even my sister ultimately probably would get over it quickly. I have nobody else in my life.

Why would those people miss you so much? I’m their son/brother. Nobody else in the world loves, or even likes me, aside from those who are bonded to me by blood.

What is your favourite thing about your everyday life? Stuffed if I know. None of it’s any good, except for when I’m asleep, but I do enjoy watching hockey when its in season.

What are some goals you have for yourself? (Doesn’t even have to be big goals) Successfully committing suicide – that’s the one and only goal.

What are 4 positive things that you would miss? I do not believe that consciousness continues after death, so assuming that to be the truth, I would not miss anything.

KissOfDeath 7/13/2015 - 2:21 am

I’ve seen what lost does to a family up close, I lost my brother two years ago, and although I do not know the closeness of your sister and you, I can tell you that it was the most intense pain I have ever had to deal with and that I am still dealing with. Scientifically speaking you are genetically closer to your siblings- if you share the same father and mother- which makes it easier to share a closer bond with them.
Pertaining to your parents losing you: I’ve witness what losing a child has done to my mother and it’s terrible, I know your family will miss you tremendously, and blame themselves for your death, my brother’s death was not a suicide, and there was nothing I could do to prevent his death, and I still blame myself.

newname 7/10/2015 - 5:07 am

@KoD

Indeed, I think many of us are still around for the same reason-we simply don’t have a reliable, safe, certain and fast method to do it or I’m sure the annual suicide rates would be far higher.

I’m sure your questions are relevant to others-just not applicable to me, since there’s little holding me here aside from the things I like that I mentioned.

Thanks for the compliment on my intelligence/writing-glad we have similar interests. You’re welcome, it was no trouble at all, your post was thought-provoking, hence my response.

As for my other ‘talents’ it’s nothing related to art, but academics and an understanding of capitalism that I can use to my advantage, which will allow me to do well, if I play my cards right. I’ll leave it at that, good night. 🙂

jaide 7/10/2015 - 5:46 am

No one will care and I’m dying in pain in a wheelchair. Losing my vision and mind. Don’t do it over a broken heart. This is really for terminally ill, desperate people with no hope.

PhantomCitizen43 7/10/2015 - 8:13 am

jaide- I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that somehow you find relief

thehusk 7/10/2015 - 8:32 am

1. What makes it so hard to stay? – emotional pain, an incredible amount of loneliness, & chronic tiredness.
2. What do I view suicide as? – an end – to pain, frustration, suffering, loneliness – but also anything positive – an end to everything.
3. How would I do it? – not sure – maybe gas, maybe poison, maybe some combination of the two – but I doubt I’ll decide to any time soon.
4. Who would miss me the most? – my mum, my dad, my sister – that is all. I sincerely doubt anyone else would notice.
5. Why would they miss me so much? – my parents have invested so much time and energy into trying to sort me out – they love me. My sister would lose the bond we share from growing up together.
6. What is my favourite thing about everyday life? – music – however you feel, there’s a song that will express it – there is some beauty to be found even in despair.
7. Goals? – finding some kind of peace between the warring factions tearing apart my mind. Then maybe I can get something done (better job, house, etc.)
8. Four positive things? – my dog, running, video games, HBO boxsets……that’s about it.

Somtimes you know that although it’ll get better, it’ll also get worse again soon afterwards. That’s when it seems not worth it. When every other day is a bad day, every week, for years on end, and the good days are really just slightly less bad. I think that’s the difference between impulsive suicidal thoughts (because you’ve broken up with someone or lost a job etc.), and full on despair. You can hit rock bottom, and bounce back, or you can spend years dragging along at rock bottom – and it’s not the same thing.

I commend you for your positivity though.

theWhispersOfMySins 7/10/2015 - 2:01 pm

Definitely good questions to make one think.

KissOfDeath 7/13/2015 - 2:25 am

Thank you. 🙂

broken123 7/10/2015 - 2:49 pm

I have one question for you and anyone else who feels the need to respond. How do I know to chose life or death? I got accepted to college, I’m 18 and I want to be a doctor or physician assistant. I don’t know if I’m smart enough to do this. And I would much rather commit suicide than try to succeed, fail and end up in debt. How do I know that my goals or dreams are even attainable?

KissOfDeath 7/13/2015 - 2:37 am

I believe you answered that question by asking it, if you’re contemplating life or death, that means you have some drive, some reasoning for living and that is absolutely wonderful. We can’t say what happens after death- well at least I can’t. But the way it looks scientifically speaking, is that death is pretty permanent. You can’t come “back from the dead”. So why make such a rash decision, based off feelings that sound like, in your case, are environmental.

You got into the college, that proves that you are smart enough. Also starting at 18 and not taking a huge break after high school shows maturity to me, and I applaud you on that. Becoming a doctor or physician assistant isn’t going to be easy, but imagine after words, when you have your degree, you will know you did it, and that will be a great feeling. You’re on the path of succeeding, you applied to a college, and were accepted, that’s impressive.

You know your goals or dreams are attainable because being a doctor is an achievable job that many people have, all you have to do is put in the effort in schooling.

jadedkeizy 7/10/2015 - 4:39 pm

I don’t think I’ll miss anything and neither would I be missed. Life is pretty bland in my realm. Nothing purposeful interests me any more. My favourite things include Hip Hop Music, Porn and reading scientific journals. But they are just pastimes and don’t constitute any purposeful activity. I am a computer programmer and love to code and that’s my source of livelihood. Unfortunately, my passion for that dissipated too. Just like some people on this thread, I’m still alive because I’m hard-pressed to find an effective method to off my person. Suicide to me is a means to an end.

Millefeui 7/10/2015 - 7:53 pm

– I am a transgender person. That alone should answer your question.

– The ending of my suffering. Possibly the start of more suffering, but fuck it, I will take it over what I have now.

– I plan to hang myself

– My dog, but I am confident she would forget me eventually. She’s smart. My mom and aunt would miss me too, I think. I love them, but I can’t bring myself to live solely to not make them suffer. It is not fair.

– Ask them

– Playing games, since it is the way I have to escape reality

– Dying

– My dog

hiohneh 7/10/2015 - 8:27 pm

What makes it so hard for you to stay? – Panic disorder that has taken so much from me. At first it was just worrying about social situations, now it’s worrying about everything situation. The past, the present, the future. I’m financially strapped and have hurt many people in my life because of my fears. I also have an eating disorder that borders between restricting, binging and purging but I can’t never seem to actually lose enough weight for people to worry. I’ve also developed a dependance on laxatives due to my IBS and I have been told to give them up by my doctor in order for my medication to work but that causes even more panic.

What do you view suicide as? – I don’t know…a cause of death? I don’t really know how to answer this question. Even though I’ve thought about suicide I’ve never really though about suicide in general. I’ve only thought about how I will commit suicide…see next question. 😉

How would you commit suicide? – I’ve never had one set plan. Most likely pills because I’ve gotten so use to taking so many of them and I think my body is physically worn out enough from the abuse I’ve done to it that it would work. Maybe, I don’t know. I suppose I haven’t thought too much about it….fail.

On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.) My Mom & my 4 siblings. By the way I just realized I commented on a post on here and said I have 6 siblings which I actually only have 5 but I only consider 4 actual siblings. Fuck my life is complicated.

Why would those people miss you so much? – Because I do so much for them. I don’t know if this sounds self-absorbed but my family relies on me a lot. Even just to make them smile…

What is your favorite thing about your everyday life? – I don’t know, I find everything to be somewhat boring and a nuisance. Maybe making up stories/writing, but sometimes I don’t even like doing that. 🙁

What are some goals you have for yourself? (Doesn’t even have to be big goals) I’ve always wanted to be a singer since I was a child but that is completely off the table now. I think publishing a novel or a memoir. Right now a current goal is to complete my education, don’t know if I’ll do it…

What are 4 positive things that you would miss? Even though I have an eating disorder I do love my mother’s cooking and would miss it. Also my dogs. Since I have three dogs that brings it to four…haha.

Thank you for these questions. 🙂

hiohneh 7/10/2015 - 8:28 pm

Apologies for the spelling mistakes, I failed to proof read. -__-

lilodian4ever 7/10/2015 - 9:12 pm

What makes it so hard for you to stay?
Loneliness caused by Borderline Personality Disorder

What do you view suicide as?
A practical choice. Neither heroic nor cowardly. Neither selfish nor selfless. An escape from unbearable pain. The right choice for some.

How would you commit suicide?
VSED in isolation. i.e. dehydration + starvation in a forest.

On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.)
My parents

Why would those people miss you so much?
Because they don’t really know me. They think I’m highly successful. They don’t know that I’m a miserable failure. They have high hopes for me which will be crushed by my death.
What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?

What are some goals you have for yourself? (Doesn’t even have to be big goals)
To deprive my body of water so as to force certain chemical imbalances that will, in turn, cause my heart to stop beating.

What are 4 positive things that you would miss?
1 – Nothing, 2 – No one, 3 – Absolutely nothing, 4 – Absolutely no one

lilodian4ever 7/10/2015 - 9:13 pm

I realize I missed one question:

What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?
The knowledge that I will be successful in bringing about my death

Millefeui 7/10/2015 - 11:55 pm

May I ask why you chose a particularly painful and long suicide method as VSED?

lilodian4ever 7/14/2015 - 10:48 pm

Hi Millefeui, sorry I didn’t see your comment here until now.

I chose VSED because, I need a 100% effective method that can be carried out completely in isolation (I don’t want people around).

And, I don’t want a method that relies on getting a noose right or the size of a plastic bag right. I want something simple, and have a high tolerance for pain.

I have considered:
– Helium bag
– Hanging
– Hypothermia (freezing to death up on a cold mountain)

, and VSED seems to be the best for me.

Also, it symbolizes, to me, being deprived of love. I am, in fact, going to post about this.

holdingonforlife 9/7/2015 - 11:46 pm

Sorry if this reply is what you call late, I just made this account a few minutes ago and these questions peaked my interest because they’re some I think about often but never answer myself.

“What makes it so hard for you to stay?” –
Loneliness, I am always scared of losing someone no matter how many times they tell me they will stay with me, I constantly check to see if I’ve done something wrong where it gets to the point that the person I care about tells me I’m annoying or overly attached. I’m also so so tired of causing pain and offending the people I try my hardest to make happy. (I don’t want to write my whole story here so I tried to make it short)

“What do you view suicide as?” –
Suicide to me is a release, it is the one real choice you can make and it 100% yours. It’s an end to everything, all suffering, all happiness.

“How would you commit suicide?” –
The thing I’ve been trying to answer myself for a while. I’d be dead right now if I knew the answer to it, or if I had the guts to go along with that answer. There is no easy way to go, how I see it. But I’ve thought about overdosing, asphyxiation, or waiting until the time I can run into a fast moving train or have the qualifications(?) to buy a gun.

“On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc.
Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be more or less than 6 people.)” –
I know some people will miss me, but more than half of those people I know can move on. I know my close friend and my siblings would. My close friend, who lives on the other side of the country would be devastated, she’s told me many times that she would take her own life if I were to take mine. Why she hasn’t stopped caring about me yet? I have no idea, but I think she’s the main reason I’m still alive.

“Why would those people miss you so much?” –
My siblings look up to me, they’re young. They have no idea what I’m going through and neither do my parents. So for me to suddenly disappear would be shocking, I just wish they don’t blame it on themselves when I’m gone.

“What is your favorite thing about your everyday life?” –
I don’t know, everything I used to love now feels tiring and pointless. But I still enjoy music. I can’t play anything, I just love many bands.

“What are some goals you have for yourself? (Doesn’t even have to be big goals)” –
I used to want to go to med school, I don’t think that’s possible now. I think all I want to do is succeed at my next attempt, and leave people to be happier.

“What are 4 positive things that you would miss?”-
Things I would miss when I’m dead? I don’t believe in the afterlife so I won’t miss anything.
If it was taken away from me now, I don’t think I’d miss anything except for music and laughing.

Nobody really has to reply to this, it’s much appreciated if you’ve read it. Just felt good to answer these questions and have them put somewhere other than where no one will see it I guess.

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