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Social Anxiety

by MentallyWeak

Does anyone else feel like even the people you are closest to hate you the most? I feel like everyone secretly hates me and wouldn’t at all mind if I were to kill myself. Like it would be good for all of us. One less annoying person to deal with, one less person to waste your breath and opinions on. One less person to look down on. My suffering will end, it will end soon enough and everyone would be at their happiest. I just don’t think I will be able to find a purpose. It’s impossible.

Maybe life, isn’t for everyone.

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October_rain 7/23/2015 - 1:10 am

I try to focus on the positives and to stay productive. You still have breath, so you still have purpose.

Littleray 7/23/2015 - 2:35 am

Just hang in there. ‘They don’t know what they’ve got till its gone’ Hopefully they’ll realise before its too late. But at the end of the day it’s all about knowing your worth.

Randall 7/23/2015 - 3:54 am

I’m pretty sure everyone hates me and if they don’t hate me now, they will soon enough. I’ve gotten used to it. I can see it in their faces when they talk to me or I talk to them. It’s very interesting to watch their facial expressions as they change from mildly interested to “shit, get me away from this guy.” I sometimes think…actually I know that I bring this on myself. I expect them not to like me, so that’s what happens. Interesting. I have to work on changing that..changing my expectations.
As far as a life purpose. There isn’t a purpose sitting out there waiting for you to ‘find’ it. I think I create whatever purpose there is in life. And that’s my story and I”m sticking with it.

Mf 7/23/2015 - 4:46 am

@Randall: You got me curious there. Why do you think that “shit, get me away from this guy” thing happens in your case? just your own expectations playing tricks on you, or is it something else as well? just wondering, since i do get that pretty often (and i do know why it is, in my case). No problem if you don’t want to share it.

Randall 7/23/2015 - 10:12 am

I know why and what it is. I’ve begun to shy away from people. So, I had an epiphany a little while ago. Every traumatic stressful negative experience I’ve gone though involved another person or two or three. 100% of the time. No exceptions. The logical thing to do is to avoid those things that cause or trigger. If you touch an electric fence enough pretty soon you get the idea to stay away from electric fences. So, I guess when I meet another human face to face I think my facial expression begins to get weird. I fall back, pull back into defense mode. The fight or flight mechanism kicks in and I really want to run or excuse myself. I think I can change this reaction if I pay attention. Right now, backing away is easier.

Mf 7/23/2015 - 6:11 pm

@Randall: Fun, i tried making that same argument to someone a couple of days ago and they couldn’t get it (about avoiding negative experiences). It’s pretty much the same in my case, and man, even if it’s controllable (there are certain things you can do to keep it at bay) the anxiety you get is overwhelming at times. It sure can be hidden so people can’t notice it, but it does take a toll.

Mix that up with a person that hates being dishonest and… haha. Recipe for failure. Thanks for sharing btw 🙂

Mf 7/23/2015 - 4:44 am

I don’t feel exactly hate, but i can say that i usually notice people being lots more hostile than what they used to be a couple of years ago (including the few close people i have left). Maybe it’s the current state the world is, but everything seems more hostile to me (and maybe i’m more hostile to others as well now that i think about it).

There’s something to it tho. Even if they don’t hate you, putting your life’s weight on others is bound to end up badly. If i have to be honest (i don’t mean to be rude, but honesty might be useful on this case) i think that most likely, nope, not everybody secretly hates you. Most likely some care about you, but most are indifferent (like most people are, to almost everything). The ones you care about would suffer if you die, and those who are indifferent might remain the same way.

As for finding a purpose, the fact that you don’t think it’s possible doesn’t mean it is impossible. As with everything, you never know until you’ve tried everything and/or you can’t try alternatives anymore. Like Randall says you can create your own purpose if it works for you (i actually think that creating and finding a purpose are kinda like the same thing). Life is for everybody, and it will end (eventually) for everyone as well, regardless of what you do with it.

Thisisme21 7/23/2015 - 5:29 am

I’m sorry you feel that way. A big hug xxx

winter rain 7/23/2015 - 11:47 am

I feel much the same. Often I do not see hate as much as a faint sick look in their eyes, almost like charity mingled with disgust. The way someone might look at a deformed mangy dog on the side of the street, something to be pitied but something that can contaminate and should not approached to closely. Hate is somehow easier for me. A purpose is also something very elusive indeed…

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