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Too beautiful to be sad?

by Broke girl

I want to be shot but I don’t want to die. I don’t want to end up paralyzed either. I am in a financial bind so I don’t have any money to pay you. Here’s my story: I’m utterly depressed. People tell me I’m too beautiful to be so sad. I’m 26 and everyone says I look just like Sarah Hyland. … In fact that’s all they seem to notice. No one knows how intelligent I am because they can’t get past my looks. My face seems to be all anyone cares about… They don’t want to know they real me. And when people finally get to know what I’m really like they get intimidated and tend to flee. I know it sounds crazy but I’ve been depressed for most of my life because of how I’m judged on my appearance. For years I’ve spent so much time daydreaming about my death to a point to where I now find comfort in it. The thing is, as much as I want to, I can’t die… Not yet. I can’t hurt my family. It’s a difficult problem to live with but I feel I have a solution. … To feel close to death. To know the impact of being shot. To be injured and afraid, but without consequence. I feel like this experience could help me get past my emotional damage. I would not want to see your face (i would ask you to wear a mask) and I would not want to know your real name. I would chose a location without security cameras or witnesses anywhere in the vicinity. And I would also give you plenty of time to leave the scene before calling an ambulance. Through this pain may my heart finally heal. Please help me in my conquest to freedom.

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12 comments

Morris 7/10/2015 - 10:13 pm

The world is so cruel, isn’t it? Like you I’m just too beautiful for this planet.
People are always being nice to me, offering me money and modeling contracts, it’s so unfair. No one ever wants to read my sensitive poetry.

Unicorns fly over an island
Where puppies and leprechauns frolic
Trapped be me in my own mind
Like a drowning sea turtle that can’t speak.

See? ^ All that talent, but all the world sees is my outer shell.

Anunnaki 7/10/2015 - 10:50 pm

Nobody wants to know the real me because I’m ugly as a ************.

Broke girl 7/11/2015 - 8:05 pm

Though I doubt it, f you are as ugly as you believe yourself to be then consider yourself lucky. Go out into the world and live! With no one trying to distract you, or use you, or envy you, you then have the freedom to see all and to drink the milk and honey of existence. Take advantage of your gift. Don’t sulk. Don’t waste your amazing life. Go live. And however you see yourself, ugly or not, just know how beautiful you are to me. And know how much I envy you..

jennjenn 7/10/2015 - 11:25 pm

You should read “Invisible Monster” by Chuck Palachnuik. He wrote Fight Club, it’s fing amazing. At least read what it’s about.
Don’t you fret, it will give you wrinkles. Time will alleviate this problem for you. Please don’t hire someone to blow your face off. I’m loving that sentence…

Broke girl 7/11/2015 - 7:59 pm

I love Palahniuk.

cathy arsis 7/11/2015 - 8:07 pm

Which part is broken

Millefeui 7/10/2015 - 11:47 pm

Sadness and depression aren’t exclusive to ugly people. I wish it was, so less people in this world would be depressed, although I would still be one of the depressed people anyways,

But anyways, good luck with your life. I hope you heart is healed somehow.

Broke girl 7/11/2015 - 12:19 pm

Thanks for the support guys, but I just want a solution. I often considered throwing acid in my own face but that idea is far too extreme. Plus mutilating my face so horribly would only bring about further judgment and pity. It would not help in the least. I have scarred my face mildly with a knife and I stopped wearing makeup. People then would say things like “those scars add beautiful character flaws” and “i wish I could be as pretty without makeup”… So I started wearing makeup I’m a way that intentionally made me look worse, like deep blue eye shadow and black lipstick. People then would say things like “you really can pull off any style and make it look good.”… I realize that most of you migh be disgusted for my opinions of loathing my external image. I know it’s sounds stupid. But the reality is when I’m not working I spend all my time hiding in my home for the sake of not being seen. I hate myself. I want to hurt myself. I’m am forever sad. I can’t live like this anymore. If you know anyone who would help me on my cause, please please please send them my way. Thank you.

Salt 7/11/2015 - 12:59 pm

Hi BG, i don’t think your problem is the way you look. I don’t think *anyone’s* problem is the way they look, whether they’re gorgeous Grecian statues or disfigured monsters. I repeat, the problem isn’t the way you look but the way you handle society’s (perceived) perception of you.

That’s a mouthful so I’ll try to explain myself. We each project a visible image. That image is interpreted (rightly or wrongly) by others. They project a reaction. That reaction is interpreted (rightly or wrongly) by us. And in many, if not most, cases, the fault occurs in the final stage, our interpretation of society’s reaction.

Due to a weird mix of DNA from every corner of the globe, I look different. Maybe that’s good, maybe that’s bad, maybe I’m easy on the eyes, maybe I’m ugly. Doesn’t matter. But due to less-than-pleasant experiences in my formative years, I will ALWAYS feel different in a bad way. And that has nothing to do with the way I look. I suspect a lot of us here have that problem. Judging from the way we talk about ourselves you’d think we’re all slime creatures from planet Doom. But I’ve seen the pictures and there hasn’t been 1 person I’d call ugly or even unattractive. But again, even my opinion is subjective.

Yours is an interesting case because you don’t call yourself ugly; you’re saying the opposite. But the same mechanism is at work: your perception of society’s perception of you makes you feel bad.

Will it help to splash acid on your face? I dunno… ask the people who spend thousands of dollars getting nose jobs and skin Botox and all that. My guess is it doesn’t really fix anything in the long run. A few years later they’ll be buying more Botox, or you’ll be splashing more acid (or maybe getting cosmetic surgery to fix the acid damage).

The real solution is (what a fricken cliché this is) to be proud of what you are. Does that mean look in the mirror and say “Good morning beautiful!” or maybe in your case “Good morning ordinary”? Hell no. That’s just projecting another artificial image. What I mean is looking in the mirror each day and saying “Wow, I’ve never seen anyone in the world who looks quite like you. And that sorta kicks ass.”

Well, sorry for the long spiel, and I know you didn’t ask for any help other than a non-fatal bullet or two. But I figured I’d try planting a different idea in your head before you went and wasted your time in the hospital. Whatever you end up doing, I hope it works out 🙂

Salt 7/11/2015 - 1:19 pm

…aaand I just read that back and realized what a steaming crock of shit it is. Wish this site had a delete-comment button.

Broke girl 7/11/2015 - 7:51 pm

Read the back? I don’t understand. That’s aside, thank you. You seem like a reasonable and intelligent person. I appreciate your input. You’ve givin me a lot to think about. Though, there still isn’t an on/off switch for the this feeling.

Broke girl 7/11/2015 - 7:56 pm

Apologies, I read your comment wrong. You said “read that back” … Well, I don’t think it was a croc of shit. I appreciate your efforts in trying to cheer me up. You weren’t cliche or generalizing some empty-minded, auto-piloted compliment. You actually thought about your words before spilling them. That, in my opinion, makes the best ingredients for good advice.

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