So I guess on this post ill tell you about something that has been wrong me for years. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 7, for about two years I was on radiation and it was hell. I puked alot, I stunted my growth, made me really skinny, and I’m small in body size and it stopped me from doing things I wanted to do. I got picked on for having cancer through my life up until now (18yrs)
Each time I think of it an how it affected me makes me cry so much because I wish I was normal. It’s even hard for me to get a job since I et discriminated by my height…it even hurts me to watch my own brothers grow up to have healthy lives yet I’m stuck with m parents and stuck with going to the doctored every three months having to et scans and IV’s, blood tests, and more. I wish I didn’t have this, I wish I could be normal…
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First I’d like to say I am sorry for the situation you are going through. I can relate on a different scale, I was diagnosed with epilepsy at age three. Having seizures all the time, at least a few a week when I was younger. As I aged they got worse. I was teases all through school, going to the hospital to get blood work done daily for the longest time while they sorted out my meds. By the time I turned 21yrs I couldn’t hold down a job or support myself I was having so many seizures a day some days. I had brain surgery at 22yrs in hopes to fix the issue. I was seizure free for a short time, now 12yrs later I am seizuring again along with side effects from surgery. At 34yrs it’s like I have a mild form of Alzheimer’s where I really have to think of what I had for breakfast or did that morning but I can remember anything from a decade ago. I wake up everyday wondering if tomorrow is going to be the day I don’t remember who my two young daughters are or if these auras, seizures or migraines will just stop. I am in the same boat as you, I wish I could just be normal, I have been fighting it for the last thirty years.
Always remember, there is something positive in your life everyday. For me it’s not me nor my girls mother or my surroundings or any of the sorts, it’s my two girls. Without them I wouldn’t still be here. Find/figure out what’s positive in your world and cherish it no matter what it is. It doesn’t matter if nobody agrees with it as long as it works for you.
What I read from you was just amazing <3 I'm glad that you are still here and that you haven't have up <3 that right there proves you are strong. I'm not even that strong. There were times where I just kept putting myself down because of what I have then again my family put me down to in different ways. And recently this week I've been having bad arguments with my parents to the point where we were telling at each other and calling each other names. It hurt me so bad to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts even more and I was tempted to overdose but then I thought about my two best friends who love me more than anything and I even remembered how I told them that I nearly died when I tried to commit suicide last summer, it made both of them cry, and that right there I saw how suicide can effect someone. I also thought of my boyfriend and how much he cares about me and how devistated he would be if I was gone. I even told my mom before that I didn't want to live and she even told me that would damage her if I ever ended my life.
It's taking me time to heal emotionally and not think of suicide as an option, becuase I know that it does get better and that pain isn't forever. My life has purpose, just like yours and everyone else on here who has or is struggling <3
You ARE normal, if not better than normal I mean 11 years you are a true survivor. Nobody deserves what you’re going through let alone people picking on you for it… most people wouldn’t have the courage to live a day in your shoes.