Wife of 5 Years Left Me… What’s Next?

My wife of 5 years left me about 2 weeks ago, out of the blue.

I take some responsibilities in light that I have anger issues. We had cyclical arguments in which I blew up every 6 months, and in my anger I lost my self. My wife has told me that she lives in fear because of this.

I thought I was making improvements… For example when I have temper outburst, I no longer make threatening gestures (only my tone of voice was escalated, and I had hostile look on my face). But she said enough is enough, she is not willing to give me any more chance because I am only making small progress.

I also take the blame for stopping my therapy. I went to therapy and I made significant progress so I decided to stop.

Although the pastor that I talked to said that my wife takes part of the blame, I shall not defend my self. I deserve this. I could have done better as a husband. Im a failure.

Now I feel empty. I feel utterly destroyed. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat. We loved to travel all around the United States so now I cannot even go anywhere in the United States without seeing our memories.

I cry every minute, I throw up occasionally throughout the day, even at my job… Which got me fired.

Now I have nothing… No job, no family, no money at all.

I have contemplated several methods of suicide, but I fear that if I do so I would put my aging parents in the same situation, which is not acceptable since I know how miserable it is to be in this position.

I pray every day that God would end my misery. I have never felt this miserable, depressed, and broken in my 28 years of life.

I decided to move back to my family in Australia. I purposefully booked a flight using Malaysian Airlines. I am hoping that something would happen during my flight from the US to Australia so that I will die, and dissapear.

I fear the future now that the other half of me is gone… What’s next? What do I do?

I really wish God would show some kind of mercy and take me. I do not care how… I just want God to take me.