I personally have contemplated suicide for over 15 years… it’s tough to determine when I started considering it so I’ve approximated.
I realise that everyone has had different pasts and different reasons for considering suicide… but is moving past the idea of suicide, is it something that is truly genuinely possible? Moving past like never think of suicide again.
The only thing that i have been able to do is suppress the desire but it is always there… it just depends. I spend a lot of time ruminating about my past… I can’t seem to move past this either. I don’t have a lot of activity in my life (anxieties and dealing with long-term effects of my past)….
Just wondering what others people’s thoughts and perspectives… it would be a lie to say that I’m not trying.
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That’s a good one. Imho i think that it’s akin to santa, once you stop believing in him you can’t go back to believing like nothing happened. You might adapt, gain a normal life and live until you’re older, but you’ll always know santa doesn’t exist.
In the case of suicide, once you’ve seriously contemplated that option, i’m guessing that it’s almost impossible to remove it from the table. Once you open pandora’s box, even if you close it, you already know what’s inside. And why the hell i use so many examples that aren’t needed? i have no idea.
Interesting…. I’ve thought of what you said before, I just never put it if words.
From the beginning to the middle of last year I was in a good place and I was determined to make a better life. During that time I don’t think I thought about suicide. I was so motivated to keep going, to do better and prove everyone wrong. I still don’t know how I got to be in such a good place but of course it all came crashing down.
I think everyone will think of suicide as a general subject. When Robin Williams passed away it was on everyone’s mind. I do think it’s possible to stop considering it as an option and live a happy life. For those few months I was in a good place I don’t ever remember it crossing my mind. I don’t even think I was suppressing that thought, I was just living.
Sorry for the addition to this, but my mother has a picture of me from last year and I really couldn’t believe how different I looked. I really think if things can go from good to bad they can also go from bad to good.
Maybe, maybe not. It is interesting to think about a life without these feelings and being able to live, enjoying every moment.
For me, I acknowledge that I have a long arduous road ahead before I can say to myself I’m better (if there is such a thing). All I do now is dwell on how short my time is anytime an obstacle comes my way.
Always interesting to hear different perspectives.
If @Randall won’t mind a repost of his comment from a couple of days ago (in the It Never Ends post), it seems relevant here too:
So, there’s the old Cherokee Legend
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Interesting perspective. Ty for re-posting.
Don’t know if this will help, but the book I’m reading might expand on that a little. Since “Santa put Pandora’s Box on the table and opened it” (to combine @MF’s metaphors), the thoughts will probably always reoccur as an option.
But it’s important to separate the *Thought* from the underlying *Emotion*. The first is a response to the second. If we can remember that and be aware of the process, maybe we can find some other way to deal with the specific emotion(s) we’re feeling (if we can identify what that is), before things domino and the strong suicidal urges begin to take over.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. Also still trying to work it out for myself.
Actually, “snowball” probably makes more sense than the word ‘domino’ in that context.
Sorry, one more blurb: Basically, the statement “I feel suicidal” is itself incorrect because suicidal is not an emotion. I might feel angry, anxious, lonely, sad, hopeless, etc.- suicide is just the first thought that might pop into my head to address that emotion. To avoid feeding that particular wolf, I can tell that thought to “go to hell”, then look for another way to deal with my feelings.
Thanks for re-posting that, 1bigzero, and thanks very much to Randall for sharing the wise story. We all need to be reminded of how hard it is to fight the evil wolf threatening to devour us from the inside out.