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Hello, Goodbye

by Jules

I am 99% sure that I want to kill myself. I really want to tell someone that so they could say they had a chance to save me, and they can feel less guilty when they can’t, so they can say at least they tried. But I don’t want to tell Julian (fake name) because he would try to stop me. I haven’t felt this sure about anything in a long time.

I’m going to do it. I need to at least try, or I can’t live with myself. (I guess I wouldn’t be living with myself anyway, ha.) I will be documenting the next few days in a personal notebook for complete clarity and honesty, something that I regret not having more of before. It will help me feel satisfied and be a good last page of my life.

This is the thing that makes me feel relieved and happy that I don’t have to stay here for long, I don’t cry about it anymore. So I don’t want my loved ones to cry; this makes me feel more at peace than anything ever has before.

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5 comments

Darvin 8/16/2015 - 2:02 am

The fact that you are 99% sure, means that 1% of you wants to give the life another chance, and the other 99% just wants to escape pain, suicide it’s just an illusion.

Jules 8/16/2015 - 2:08 am

I believe you can’t be 100% of anything. It will be nice to die while I am young (early 20s), I’ll be remembered as someone who appeared to have life. I haven’t slept in days. It would be like a nice, long deserving nap after staying awake a lifetime. I don’t want to stop the pain, I just want to stop.

Bluerose 8/16/2015 - 2:21 am

I hope you are open to suggestions…
Since you are almost certain that this is what you want… 1 day should not make much of a difference… Why dont you try to sleep first… Then re-think about it again tomorrow? 🙂 i wish you peace. ***** HUG**^**

Jules 8/16/2015 - 2:28 am

Aww, thanks. Suggestions are always nice…I guess I can re-think about it like I do every morning. But thinking about this makes it feel soooo much better…
Hope you have peace as well. Hang in there if you can. *hug*
Cheers.

Jules 8/16/2015 - 9:01 am

Took a nap, still want to. Oh well. 🙂

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