I am 99% sure that I want to kill myself. I really want to tell someone that so they could say they had a chance to save me, and they can feel less guilty when they can’t, so they can say at least they tried. But I don’t want to tell Julian (fake name) because he would try to stop me. I haven’t felt this sure about anything in a long time.
I’m going to do it. I need to at least try, or I can’t live with myself. (I guess I wouldn’t be living with myself anyway, ha.) I will be documenting the next few days in a personal notebook for complete clarity and honesty, something that I regret not having more of before. It will help me feel satisfied and be a good last page of my life.
This is the thing that makes me feel relieved and happy that I don’t have to stay here for long, I don’t cry about it anymore. So I don’t want my loved ones to cry; this makes me feel more at peace than anything ever has before.