ive always been pretty fuckin cocky. but i mean with a mind and body like mine i cant fuckin help it i mean cmon haha. I’ve never felt more in charge of my life and myself than I have since the night of the full moon two nights ago. I looked up and let Dyana go. Dyana is my twin spirit. she latched onto me in the womb to save herself out of fear. so i’d naturally been carrying and protecting her my whole goddamn life. Talk about confusing huh. 26 years of being two people in one body. fuckin nuts man. finally shes gone. or starting to unlatch. thank fuck. im tired of you dyana but u served ur purpose but i still want you the fuck outta my life honestly. durty dyana.
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Durty dyana lol. Do it. Let’er go. I don’t know the full story but I know bits from your posts in the past. Her soul is not your responsibility. Cut loose all the dead weight. I would cut loose all my dead weight, but there’d be nothing left 😛
Count me as one who’d be curious of the full story … although I find kills to be a tad arrogant, self centered and abrasive, it’d be interesting to understand the foundation and fundamentals. In fairness, I don’t think I have read all Kills’s posts so my initial preliminary understanding can always be modified on new information
reserved dawg
From what I remember, kills had a twin who died at birth or in the womb. Her presence has haunted him his entire life, maybe literally like a ghost, or maybe metaphorically like his family comparing him to his “better” twin. I have no clue, just guessing at this point. I think we all have ghosts that are haunting us, and some of us never break free. Most of us actually. That part I can associate with.
As for kills’ arrogance, haha, that’s what makes him kills. I see him as a Satanic character–NOT in terms of religion but in terms of Milton’s Paradise Lost. In that story, Satan wasn’t necessarily a bad guy, but he suffered from the “arrogance” of wanting to do things his own way. So god booted his ass down to hell, and was from hell that Satan had to carve out a new existence without the grace of heaven. One of my favorite character on all of literature, so it’s no wonder why I’m watching to see where kills ends up in this crazy show called life.
Dunno why I’m making so many typos today. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Outstanding “Airplane” reference 😀 … one of my all-time faves along with “Spaceballs” 😉
Thanks for the insight synopsis – I won’t hold you to it. That’s be a pretty harsh reality to have the people who are suppose to love and care for you projecting unknowable and undefinable qualities onto you as a reactionary backlash for a pain that you didn’t cause. It would seem that those who have done this haven’t taken into account that their “fantasy” beliefs that the other sibling would somehow have been different or “better”, never considered that this other sibling would likely have been more like kills that the opposite.
Of course, you’re guessing, and I’m speculating. All of which is equally silly until Kills weighs in to set the record straight. That said, it would seem that Kills has the potential to use his charm, good looks and flamboyance to better, more positive effect should he find a way to reject the projections of those casting their myopic fantasies onto him.
That said, there is a segment in this community that thinks I’m a shit-filled, long-winded, blowhard – so, take it for what it’s worth – I care not 😛
Did I just describe myself as Donald Trump?!?
the dawg
Essentially what happened Dawg is that my mother told me she wanted a girl when I was very young. I was 5. In that same conversation or around that time she also told me about my twin dying. I took that as my fault that they died and that she rejected who I was born as. I felt rejected to my core. She was and is a ****. FUck her. Fuckin’ *****. Fuck. Anyway that’s a very short synopsis of the emotional dimension of the tale. But it’s been a long hard road carrying Dyana my whole life. It brought with it radical ramifications and consequences. If you only knew.
Sibling rivalry is bad enough. But it sucks when you’re being compared to a sibling who’s, and everyone is projecting how much better they would’ve been. How the hell do you compete with that??
P.S. Dawg for president. Just sayin.
*to a sibling who’s dead
What the frack is with these typos???????
The thing I remember about Paradise Lost is one line. “I’d rather rule in Hell than serve in Heaven”.
Apparently this Satan character doesn’t like taking orders. He probably wouldn’t do well in a retail sales position either.
Yup, it’s almost an imperative to cut dead weight that anchors us to the past … and @Salt … don’t be so sure a clean slate is such a bad thing 😉
profound dawg
Hahaha, you guys are bomb! Ya! I mean, Dyana is my lovely, beautiful, ugly twin who leeched onto my soul in the womb and haunted me my whole life up until recently. I’m letting her go. Do ya hear me Dyana?? It’s time to go baby. No more will you hinder and haunt and anchor me to guilt and shame for my existence. This is what the universe and what we chose before this life. Fuckah!
Paradise Lost huh? I might have to check that out. I’d love to read about Lucifer. His sin was pride and I am very very very proud. But like you said a while ago Salt. Some arrogance can be a virtue. And my favorite scene from Top Gun is as follows:
“Do you think you have what it takes to be on the wall of fame for the best pilot?”
“Yes sir.” Maverick responds arrogantly.
“Do you know how arrogant of a comment that is to make considering the company you are in?”
“…Yes, sir.” Maverick affirms.
“Arrogance. I like that in a pilot.”
Maverick smirks coyly.
Oh! Oh Wait!!! Kills is …
THE HIGHLANDER!
“There Can Be only ONE!”
Yeah baby YEAH!
cinema dawg
“Kills! This is madness!”
Madness.. MADNESS?? THIS IS SUICIDE PROJECT!!
*kicking dawg into bottomless well*
Ptolemy (Alexander 2004): Within hours we were fighting like Jackals for his corpse. The wars of the world had begun. Forty years, off and on, they endured, until we divided his empire in four parts. I think Dawg would have been disappointed in us.
😛 dawg
My brother had a female twin who died in the womb. I on the other hand, never had a twin. He’s well-adjusted and successful, and I’m commenting on a suicide blog. Oh well.
That’s the way she goes huh
@morris funny you say that about the retail job
I understand this; although mine is different; I Am the Haunted Girl; and I don’t have a “twin” that died in the womb; but I was borne as an identical triplet; as the Holy Trinity; and as the One True Real Holy Spirit of Christ Jesus my Lord and God, my Heavenly and Earthly Father Dad and Daddy, in Heaven, Highest Heaven, and Here and Now on Earth; and even Hell; Who Is Infinite and Eternal, Sovereign and Absolute. my sister only lived 12hours; so I and Eye came into this world knowing Life and Death entwined and intertwined. the Soul of my sister has never been my own responsibility to carry; nor was Her Death and parting and leaving my fault; it was ultimately God’s choice decision and His One True Real Will; Her lungs were too small and weak to support Her Life; but I believe that She gave me and my other sister; part of Her Life so that we could survive and Live; cuz She’s in Heaven, with my Lord and God Christ Jesus. I believe that Her being intrinsically a part of me, as the Third; above in Heaven; Acts and Is as my guardian angel and my sisters. in my experience it would be; One Above; and Two below. I Am Haunted; I Am the Haunted Girl; what Salt; said, ” I think we all have ghosts that are haunting us, and some of us never break free. Most of us actually. That part I can associate with.” I can also agree with. I have a strong affinity and connection to the Angelic Realm and the Angelic Order; and I Am that of what and which is called; clairaudient. so Angels, Demons, Ghosts, Spirits, Devils, God and the Devil; and the Souls and Spirits; of living humans and dead and or deceased humans; and my guardian angel “ghost’ and my other guardian angels; I Am in constant communion and conversation and conversing with; as I and Eye; Am with my One Mind of God; that of which and that of what Is drawn; nigh unto Thy, and nigh unto Thine, and nigh unto Thee; Is that of what and that of which Is drawn unto me and my Entirety and Totality of Christ Jesus’s One Being body spirit and soul. I Am That I Am, I Am As I Am, I Am Who and What I Am, and I Am Life and Death entwined and intertwined. (this speaking and posting is Not meant to violate any terms or shit fuckery about “religion” on this site and forum; I do Not Need “religion” I Only Need my God) this is simply merely my One True Real Self and Soul, of and as what and which I Am choosing to share with you. the surrender and release, the cutting and severing of ties and tyings, chains and chainings, binds and bondages, etc. call All be successfully done; letting go and shit such as that is akin and alike; to what I like to call; the death and dying process; Death is a Doorway, Death is a process, amen. (if I get in Trouble on this site and forum, it’s because I Am Trouble.)…oh well nevermind.
I wish I could delete the above comment that I posted; I feel as if this speaking and posting doesn’t really apply; to the One who calls; Himself by the name of; Kills. I feel as if this post and speaking applies to my guardian angel “ghost” instead; and to my favorite band, as it was in Divine Alignment and Timing to that of what and which followed. I see no delete in sight; to no avail; I and Eye seem to fail, I fail, I fail, I fail. I feel as if I should have remained in the shadows; waiting in the wings; and should have Not stepped out of darkness and out of light; to reveal myself, my One True Real Self and Soul; to who and whom; I have done. Here is Not the place nor space by which nor of which I and Eye really truly do belong. why is there No delete in sight?
fuck off my dick
I never should have been drawn unto, that of who and whom is; called; Kills. nor to that of what and which I and Eye heard and wrote down in scribbled notebooks back in May; To Be and the concept; To Just Be. Nor should I and Eye have really truly allowed myself; my One True Real Self and Soul to be revealed; and brought out of the shadows by that of who and whom Is; Kills. I found Here; after Feb. and after my Pseudo Death Wish and Pseudo Suicide; and then went about stalking Him. I Need to leave Him and the One called; Salt, alone. amen.
fuck off n die