I dont know what to do, I have really bad mood swings.. ups and downs.. cant controlhow myself.
Last year, I tried to get help by a psychotherapist because of that and because I have bad anxiety, couldnt go into a little bit crowded place without wanting to cry out of panic and feeling (but not doing) I’ll pee myself, but I realized that the therapy wasn’t helping and I am the only one who can help my self and so I stopped going there. The Therapist doesn’t seem to understand me. Getting that fact and starting to meditate, I really felt like I got myself back together when I realized this and that I had this bipolar kind of shit under control but it was just another fucking mood swing! It held for some months but then again the voices in my head, telling me how pointless and hurtful life is, came back.
I cant stand it anymore. Everytime when I think everythings going better its just a manic period?! I feel good, not only good but getting really crazy about it (in a “happy” way).
I wanted to study biology and neurosciences but in the dark times, like now, I cant get myself to do ANYTHING.
i destroyed my relationship, because my partner cant understand me in a certain way and tells me and lets me feel I’m a worthless piece of shit and today he broke up with me. we’re living together and he told me to get the f*** out now but everythings in the flat is mine and I have no place to go, i cant take it anymore and don’t know how to end it in a coward way…
dont know why i’m writing it down, I’m just so desperate, I wanna die but I am afraid it will hurt.. the feelings are overwhelming and my eyes swollen, its hard to think..
4 comments
Do you share in paying the rent? If so then you can find a roommate or rent a place on your own, that would be the first step.. staying in an environment where you’re unwanted will not help but make things worse.
I’m not officially listed as the one who rented the flat and the problem is, that I’m a student and I live in a big city and we have MUCH more people searching for appartments so it can take forever to find a new one… and sharing a flat with a person i dont trust is nearly impossible because of my anxiety 🙁
but thanks for the help
Yeah I understand what you mean about not wanting to share a flat with someone you don’t trust. However now you are with someone who makes you worthless and told you to get out, so finding a stranger would be the lesser of two evils. :/
No problem, just thought it’s important to know that every day you spend with a person who gives you such contempt as you described – your partner – it would be better for both of you to go your separate ways as soon as possible. Wish you the best!
Do you have any other symptoms? I have an autoimmune disease and uncontrollable swings is apart of it. At least till they got me on thyroid medication. Seriously.