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I’m not really sure..

by SeeYouSoon

I’m not really sure what to say im new to this googling suicide crap. All night I been thinking about ways to kill myself how to do it. This isn’t the first suicide attempt. There’s been a few but overdoses never really work I end up being sick and well I failed. But tonight I just can’t cope anymore. It’s getting worse and worse I don’t get any help with my depression. I even told my support worker I’m going delusional. Funny thing is she thought it was nothing and signed me off that day! Tonight I even written a suicide note. First time and funnily enough felt a sense of relief. Ever since I was little I struggled socialising with children. I felt like they all hated me which turned out a lot did. I was bullied badly for many years. I had bad depression from the bullying and shitty family life. My dad kept going off and having affairs and blaming them on me. My mum I suppose took it out on me. My brother well. The model brother. Went to uni moved to London got a amazing job. I tried so hard at college with my social anxiety! I tried to please my parents so fucking much. I never felt they were proud of my as they were of my brother. I was never good enough for them. I was just causing trouble all the time as my dad would say. My 5 year relationship with my fiancé is pretty much over. He loves me but I’m dragging him down with my depression and bpd. I just want him to be happy not with some mad ***** who can’t get her shit together. My parents told me today they don’t want me living with them anymore. It wasn’t so much in a nasty way but enough for me to know when I’m not wanted. I tried so hard making them happy and I just cause destruction where ever I go in relationships with family everyone. Think it’s just best to leave.

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noefx 8/14/2015 - 5:05 pm

It’s something you should do for what you feel.. Not what others feel.. Screw everyone.. Do something for yourself.. Not for what parents expect

noefx 8/14/2015 - 5:07 pm

Drop school.. Travel.. Get a job they wouldn’t approve.. But their failures shouldn’t be your problems. Haven’t heard anything bad from you describing yourself. The system we live in is fucked and bad grades don’t mean Shit. Bpd is not your fault.. So get help for Bpd, and fuck em all

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