I’m not really sure..

I’m not really sure what to say im new to this googling suicide crap. All night I been thinking about ways to kill myself how to do it. This isn’t the first suicide attempt. There’s been a few but overdoses never really work I end up being sick and well I failed. But tonight I just can’t cope anymore. It’s getting worse and worse I don’t get any help with my depression. I even told my support worker I’m going delusional. Funny thing is she thought it was nothing and signed me off that day! Tonight I even written a suicide note. First time and funnily enough felt a sense of relief. Ever since I was little I struggled socialising with children. I felt like they all hated me which turned out a lot did. I was bullied badly for many years. I had bad depression from the bullying and shitty family life. My dad kept going off and having affairs and blaming them on me. My mum I suppose took it out on me. My brother well. The model brother. Went to uni moved to London got a amazing job. I tried so hard at college with my social anxiety! I tried to please my parents so fucking much. I never felt they were proud of my as they were of my brother. I was never good enough for them. I was just causing trouble all the time as my dad would say. My 5 year relationship with my fiancé is pretty much over. He loves me but I’m dragging him down with my depression and bpd. I just want him to be happy not with some mad ***** who can’t get her shit together. My parents told me today they don’t want me living with them anymore. It wasn’t so much in a nasty way but enough for me to know when I’m not wanted. I tried so hard making them happy and I just cause destruction where ever I go in relationships with family everyone. Think it’s just best to leave.