I feel like it’s time. But I don’t want it to be. I made a promise to myself, you see. I promised to wait until I was 21 to find something to live for.
Even though I really want to wait, I’m just tired. Waiting is probably the best way to describe my life and I feel like I can’t take it. Also, my head hurts all the time, without apparent reason. I don’t want to feel pain anymore, but I don’t want others to suffer because of me.
I’ve always prefered to be hurt if that means that someone doesn’t. Maybe that didn’t make sense, but whatever. The problem with that is, that I’m tired of suffering. But I still don’t want others to suffer. My thoughts are exhausting and sound (probably are, too) stupid. I just want to do something right. And I know that what I want to do is not the right thing to do in terms of other people.
This probably doesn’t make much sense, but I needed to get it off my chest.
-V