My story: from 2010 to 2015

My story starts in 2010. After a picture of me in underwear ends on internet and all my small city call me a whore all my “friends” started to stay away from me, because “no one wants do be friends with such a slut”, they said. The people I know started to ignore everything I was, all my qualities, and started to judge me just because that stupid pic. I was only 14. I suffered bullying, I had no friend. I couldn’t talk about this with my parents because I was afraid to let them down and ashamed for what I’ve done. So, I don’t know how, I started cutting myself in my wrists.

One day my mother discovered my scars (because of the blood in my shirts) and fought with me in every way you can imagine. Now I was a “slut” AND “the black ship of de family”. My only moment of peace were when I was alone in my bedroom cutting myself with the blades I hid under my bed. I changed my school. There I met WONDERFUL people that helped me get over this, that made me see the world in a new way and grown up. One girl -who became my BFF and still is- noticed what was going on with me and showed me The Butterfly Project. Everyday I wrote butterflies in my wrists with her name on it.

When my father discovered what was going on (when he listened me and my mother arguing), he was so disappointed. The only thing he said to me was “if you wanna kill yourself, do it right and hang yourself”. So I tried suicide. I ate all the pills I found, and a bottle of whisky. I ended up in the hospital, but fine. After this day, I decided that I should see a doctor.

In the begging of 2012 I stopped with my meds. I was finally “cured”. After losing one of my best friends, I was cutting myself again. I needed to hide it well, because I did not want to be reason for tears again. In the end of the year I was doing better. My friends helped me to stay well. January 2013, my senior year, dreaming about became an engineer… My father dies. I couldn’t say good bye or how much I loved him. With all the pressure about getting into college and this, I couldn’t resist. I started cutting again.

So, one day, I dreamt about my dad saying me to stop, that I was making him sad, that he just wanted me to be happy, that I should focus on school and get into a fucking food university. The dream was so real that I did exactly what he said.

In 2013 I had a though year. I felt down, I missed my dad. Things changed radically in my life. But I was strong. At the end of the year I was better than ever, even with all the bad thing that I had been, and you know why? Because I understood that life is a gift, and even when you think things will not get better, they will someday somehow. I finally grew up. I learned to handle my problems in a healthy way.

So in 2014 I was accepted in the best Mechanical Engineer college from Latin America, I moved out. My mother got better about my father’s death and now sees me as a example of strength.

Now, in 2015, I can say that I am fine. I love my life, I woke up everyday happy because of the responsabilities I have. I have a boyfriend who loves me, supports me and don’t think I’m crazy because all this shit I’ve been through and a tons of friends that care about me. I am not ashamed of my scars. I am really happy. Even when I’m sad I’m happy. Happy because I know that I will never cut myself again or try suicide.

If I did it, you can do it too. It’s just a matter of time and support. And you can talk about it with me.