Rambling on

Why is it so hard for me. I can’t find happiness in anything. I don’t think I could ever be happy. I hold on to things that I shouldn’t and if I find something that makes me happy, my mind reminds why I shouldn’t be happy. That voice that takes anything positive and turns into a negative. When I was younger I would pray to god and tell him to please please kill me in my  sleep. I don’t think I could ever be happy. I used to tell myself “next year will be better,” I’ve said that for 5 years. I don’t think my brain will let me be happy. I still wish to die in my sleep every night.