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The life that never should have been.

by Aron

I was born to a drug adict that loved being passed around bars and biker gangs! No father. First 7 yrs in and out of foster homes, out only when she wanted to feel like a mother. Finally left at an orphanage. 2 years later adopted, it took them all of 5 yrs to realize they didn’t want kids( or just me). Back into foster ” care” for all of high school. Joined they navy, didn’t fit in. A dozen or so girlfriends all cheaters, boy can i pick them. 84 jobs before 30. In that time ( mostly as a teen) tried to kill myself 5 times. Stupid ways hanging, cut wrists ( wrong way across not up the arm), and pill od. I don’t know if it was the stupi ways or not really wanting to go through with it that i am here contimplating it again. Now 42 married 2 kids 9&6 girl and boy but in a life i hate not just my past that i hate but my present! I’m not sure my wife loves me anymore or ever did, or even care at this point, i have never fit into this world never liked being a part of it, and now @ 42 am ready to do what i was unable to finish so so many years ago. I have no job due to illness no friends due to marrage no life due to kids and wife no reason to be here again. Full circle to my younger years. I was going to do co2 but the PPH says newer cars my be unreliable so helium it is. Don’t really know how i wound up on this site but i thought since in a couple days i’ll be gone i should post something if for any reason it will be here long after i’m gone. I wish life could have been different, there are parts of it i really love. Like the woods, and camping and sunsets, the sound of the waves crashing against rocks, and the wind right before a really great thunder storm. Thank you for this opertunity to, …..to vent or maybe let some of the pain go, and make my leaving a little easier, because now i don’t have to feel like i owe anyone an explination. Goodbye!

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Regge 8/8/2015 - 12:10 am

HI,
I registered to this site just to I could leave a reply for you. While I have not been through everything you have, I can relate. I grew up in a unaffectionate household. My father hated me from the day I was born and made every attempt to get rid of me. I was put out of my home with no where to go at 17. I was not a bad kid, never drugs, alcohol or anything. I have been contemplating suicide for the last 3 months. I’m very lonely, no real friends and I do not speak to my family. I feel like everyone is dishonest and I have trust issues. Every time I let someone get close to me, they end up hurting me. This life sucks and everyday is a struggle. I honestly know what you are going through. I’m not going to talk you out of taking your life. I wanted to send this off to you so you would know there are others out there in similar situations. I know for some reason I was sent here to send this message to you. God bless you and let me know if you want to talk.

Mark_1981 8/8/2015 - 12:52 am

You’ve had a difficult life. Life looks bleak for you but I ask for you to reach out to someone first and at least try that route first. Your children will be devastated and your death will have profound implications.

The world is a pretty cool place…. the woods, ocean waves, the sound of nature and so on. It is too bad that life in society gets in the way.

Everything said, I wish you nothing but peace in whatever you decide to do. I hope that you chose to be around longer.

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