Well, I finally got it. I received financial aid and I can go to school now. I felt happy for a few hours, but then I started thinking again. Thinking about what I actually want to do with my life and the truth is I don’t want to do anything with my life. So why go to school? I actually love school because I can learn new things and not think about my pathetic life, but what’s the point. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why should I go to school and pay thousands of dollars to get a big paying job when all I want is to get rid of myself. Sometimes I want to do something with my life, but what the fuck is the point. I already feel dead. I never have the energy or motivation to do anything with myself. I’m a lost cause. I’m worthless. I can’t do anything. I’m stupid, so stupid. Hell, I don’t even want to get married. Is that saying really true the one about not being able to love someone else until you love yourself? I can never love myself, trust me, I’ve tried. I just don’t know why I’m here. I don’t feel like I should be here. I absolutely hate myself.
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2 comments
I have felt the same way for a very long time. I know what you are going though 🙁
Maybe start with tiny steps. Instead of “loving yourself’ try, I kind of like myself for an hour each day. Then build on that. Like working a muscle. Ya don’t just waltz into the gym and start pumping 200lbs. Start light, start small.