My family is rather.. unique. They all know who they want to be and why and where they’re planning on going. I have no idea what I want to do. I know I will always be the odd man out, but there’s something in me that believes I can fit in. That I do have a place.
Now, I might sound crazy here, but there are these dark voices in my head. They always shout mean things at me, telling me how worthless and pathetic I am. And I don’t fight them. I know they’re right. I have cut myself numerous times, and the pain is the only thing that stops them. Now that I’ve been clean for a few months, they’re back and with a stronger force than I remembered.
They will always be spiteful and not care about the words they say. That’s what they want. And I listen to them because sadly, they’re the only ones who will tell me the truth. They’re the only ones who’ll tell me that I’m stupid when I am. They’re the only ones who will tell me I look horrendous when I do. They’re the only ones who tell me my worth and what I deserve, because I deserve the pain I cause by existing and I am worth nothing.
I want to die.
There, I said it. I want to die because what’s the point of living a life that only seems to drag me down? I hear all the time about families that hurt tremendously after the loss of a loved one due to suicide, but my family is different. They’ll find a way to cope. They always do when tragedy strikes.
And I know I’ll be just another person who had somewhat good memories and did some good things, but there are more bad things in my life that I’ve done then good.
So yeah, I want to die. And that’s because that’s all I’m meant for.