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Will be the last?

by mranony

The thought of death always occur to me. Eating, showering, every fucking time. But as always, I stay at the gray area. Always. Always. Both doors open at the same time. Change or death? Both seems so nice. Bipolar? Me? I dunno, man. I don’t get a fucking thing. Sometimes, I’m too high to function. Sometimes, I’m too low to function. AND WELL SOMETIMES I’M JUST A FUCKING COWARD. I am the worst. The most disgusting asshole. I am fucking weak. A coward. I am ugly. My body is too fucking thin. Like fucking 33kg. My jaws are too large. But nevertheless, my lover loved me. I, who is stupid and weak. A crybaby. You’ve gone through a lot. I don’t want you to experience the same thing again. Two doors are always in front of me. Two doors. What to choose? Both seems so nice. I can’t choose. Don’t show me kindness, I’ll drown in my own guilt. Punch me. Torment me. I am a piece of shit. I’m a selfish bastard. I’m I dunno. The worst thing you’ll encounter? I have social anxiety, a little loose in the head. I creeped a lot of people. I’m a shadow. People don’t see me. God. ***, forgive me. I don’t deserve you. You deserve better. I’m sorry.

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6 comments

rocketman 8/31/2015 - 7:03 pm

mranony,

Pretty down on yourself today I take it? Relax were all pieces of shit 🙂

mranony 8/31/2015 - 7:21 pm

Yeah. Pretty much. Haha

Trix 8/31/2015 - 7:34 pm

I’m willing to get there are loads of reasons why they loved you. Even in a post mostly about your flaws you come off as a good person.

mranony 8/31/2015 - 9:37 pm

I’ve thought of people’s death. I did some revenges including to my own mother just because I got pissed a little. I’m disgusting.
I’ve thought of burning my house down along with everyone in it. I’m creepy as fuck. And awkward.

I’m sorry. Thank you by the way. You’re a nice person 🙂

Trix 9/1/2015 - 5:41 am

Those things are probably mistakes, don’t get me wrong. Doesn’t make you a bad person though.

mranony 9/1/2015 - 1:02 pm

Thank you for believing that 🙂

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