Being so socially inept, isolated, and awkward, I completely damaged any social skills I had left. My own family doesn’t feel uncomfortable around me and I’ve just shut them out for months now. I can’t make friends even though I try so hard to be funny and nice, but my personality is so unattractive and annoying. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety too. I’ve even stopped feeling attachment to people, like I can’t feel their emotions and care; it’s all dismissed as either “I don’t care” or they’re just manipulating me. Now I don’t even care about making friends, it’s such a bother; I mean, why should I should if I’m just going to be continuously rejected and outcasted? Then there’s the problem that I’m so ugly, it doesn’t help being both internally and externally disgusting. No one wants to be around me, but I can’t blame them — who’d want to hang out with a depressed, boring girl? I’m afraid of growing up without anyone ever loving me, which is possible because my two aunts never married and my mom (and her mom) are both divorced, so I was born to fail. Beyond everything in this world, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be like that! Even though right now I just want to be alone with my dog, but I can’t even do that because I don’t have enough money to rent an apartment and live on my own. When I’m older, it’ll get worse since I can’t afford medication for my depression. I hate myself enough to kill myself, which I think I’ll try the exit bag method this Friday if I can get a hotel room… anyways, does anyone else share the fear of being alone?
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I have the same problems, except that I want to be left alone forever. I have a job, a house, yada yada, but everything feels like a plastic bag wrap around my head…
I do have that fear as well (and it’s really awful), and i’m pretty sure that it will indeed happen, but that’s due to other factors. One thing i’ve noticed is that yup, it’s hard making friends, but it’s even harder if you’re trying too hard, because people see through that and think it’s just an act. Being yourself (as in being nice but not overdoing it) seems to work best. Appearances do play a factor in romantic situations, but not so much on friends/acquaintances scenarios.
If anything, you can use the examples you have (your family) in order to not follow their steps. Most of my relatives area cheating assholes and by definition i should be one… but i’m not, so if i can, most likely you can break free from your family’s trend.
Well, that’s reason enough to kick the bucket. I thought I was in a trap I can’t escape.
In between movies and video games, when I’m laying in bed staring at the ceiling, I imagine the feeling of cuddling with someone, caressing their skin, stroking their hair, playing with their belly button. I crave that gentle closeness, tracing my fingers over every wrinkle, connect the dots with her moles; someone to share inside jokes with and poke me in the ribs cause she knows how much I hate it.
I’d love that, but I don’t have any interest in dating. All I’ve done is kiss frogs.
I’m seriously considering that i have a split personality disorder and that i wrote this myself, lol.
It wouldn’t shock me to find out that I, and everyone else on SP, are just voices in the head of one severely deranged individual. Like Fight Club, but to the absolute extreme.
Same, but it seems like just a dream… someone to cuddle with and mess around with, doing crazy things and sleeping together with. But most importantly, to be yourself with around them and vice versa. I don’t know how relationships go… this is sad…
I’ve been yearning for someone to be with me on that level for so long that it’s more like a nightmare now. But you’re right, being able to let down your guard and finally let someone see you for who you are, and to be accepted, THAT is what’s most important. From what I know and have experienced, the only universal truth when trying meet someone is that you must love yourself first. If we could only focus on the goodness we each have inside, while ignoring the bad… but that’s impossible for people with brains like ours.
Well, it could be said that you could love yourself and still find no one, but that’s just the (usual) pessimist in me talking… i do agree that it’s the “be able to lower your guard and be yourself” thing i miss the most, i do not miss the aftermath of it tho. Maybe one day we’ll all find someone. Or who knows, maybe one day we’ll all realize we are a figment of jack’s imagination and find one person for all of us, lol.