I want to swallow all my pills. I am unsure about wanting to die. But this exsistence seems meaningless. And lonely. I want all the things im supposed to hate. Alcohol. Cigarettes. My bulimia. Sex eith strangers. I want all of it to help ease my sadness, my lonely, my anxiety and insecurity. I feel so desperate and lonely. Why am i all alone.
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You’re not alone. I feel the desperateness for numbness too . Life certainly does seem meaningless.
Numbness. To be on autopilot.
Being on autopilot is sort of a death in itself. What kind of life do you truly experience on autopilot, you know? Might as well be dead anyway. Numbness is for that indecisive fence between life and suicide, but that’s no secret.
Ya I’m kind of in the same boat, despite going out with my friends tonight-you can check my post.
Nothing like loneliness to break your will to live…to be unloved and too weak to try to get it when you have the chance.
About the only thing holding me back is the pain I’d create for those I leave behind and the potential opportunities I’d miss.
I’ve been so alone for so long I don’t feel anyone would want me at this point, even when they do.
by ‘holding me back’ I was referring to suicide.
Loneliness is the worst. And its like, i have friends and ppl who love me but that doesnt take away the heartache of existential loneliness.
Agreed, it’s horrible…I haven’t dated anyone for years…I’ve had some flirtations with girls along the way but nothing ever worked out.
Now I feel I’m psychologically broken and don’t feel desirable. I live in misery, people insulting me when I’ve done nothing wrong to them, working a shitty job…just feel trapped by a terrible life.
I guess I’m hanging on to find love again once more, before I go. At least to say I’ve done it…get that satisfaction and then I can die in peace.
Sorry your going though that. It’s a pretty lonely night on my end too. Don’t try swallowing pills it won’t work. What I do when I’m really down (don’t take my advice because I’m a pill popping alcoholic) is I take 5 one milligrams of Xanexes. Eh a slight buzz and a numb feeling but it’s better than nothing.
Off-topic but I just wanted to say you guys/gals on SP are good people, really. I’d be happy to hang out with all of you as a group-if we liked near each other.
At least we’re supportive and don’t judge one another for our problems and try to help where we can. It might not fix our loneliness (in our romantic/sex lives) but at least we’d be with people who are encouraging.
Despite going out tonight and partying with friends, I could never tell them that I’m suicidal…it just wouldn’t work out well for me. Hopefully our lives will change for the better in the future.
*lived (not liked)….sorry for typos, it’s late and I’m half-asleep.