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Dark day in a hellish life

by Anon1962

Things are not going well in my relationship with my partner. After 7 years, seems he is done with me, not that he says that. But how else can I interpret his behaviour. It terrifies me. And I feel so hurt and used. I gave so much and didn’t get nearly as much.

I’ve been so sad. The other day I was reviewing in detail how I would kill myself, and it made me more upset and sadder somehow. Some part of me was fighting against it, now that I felt I was about ready to go through with it, nothing external holding me back anymore, no one who loved and needed me anymore, be it human or feline. Just no one. I’m so alone. Thought I had a friend forever. I have no other friends, no good at making friends. Life has been hell. I’ve tried so hard, and all for nothing, it seems.

 

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5 comments

FunanyaTheSuicidalTransGirl 9/17/2015 - 6:00 am

Hey there,

I know this may seem cheesy but…can i be your friend? You can lay your tired head on me like a pillow and i can lay mines on you 🙂

rubdoo50 9/17/2015 - 6:14 am

What makes you think he is done with u? If you are on this site in the first place perhaps u, like me, are the type of person who interprets lots of things in a self-detrimental way. Maybe he is not thinking that at all, there is just something else effecting his behaviour?

Anon1962 9/17/2015 - 1:15 pm

He is thinking about it. Looking at apartments to move to. “Not sure we can work things out. It might be over.” Things are very unstable. He is angry, looks horribly at me, and can’t forgive me for my anger and hurtful words. In the past he said he would go to counselling, but now he’s not sure.

We have both been suicidal, so it’ s not just me. But he doesn’t need me any more.

rubdoo50 9/18/2015 - 6:58 am

I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 Sounds like a tough time. You sound like a great person so I hope he doesn’t and instead realises what he’s got 🙂

Anon1962 9/18/2015 - 11:59 am

Oh, rubdoo, thank you for kind words. I am not sure what you see that might qualify me as a great person, but I would love to hear it, as I could use it. My self-esteem is at a low. I am going to counselling today to deal with my anger and suffering. My brother and the women friends (people I have suddenly become much closer to in my crisis, spending hours with them yesterday) have urged me to follow through with the counselling approach, to get professional help.

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