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A few years ago I discovered that I liked girls as much as I liked boys. It was kind of earth shattering at the time because I was part of a family that was completely against the “gay agenda” as they called it. I know it’s the same old song and dance. My family doesn’t  understand me- blah blah blah. I was really worried about telling any of them. I figured I would tell them if I actually had a girlfriend or something. No big deal.

I did meet someone that very year. The first girl I was really interested in. She ended up making some stupid mistakes and ruined our growing relationship. Me, being stupid, was always there for her. When she dated other people, when she went through break-ups, everything.

And when she came crawling back to me, I made sure she knew I was still here, but I would never be hers again.

Thats a lot to give someone of yourself, right?

All that time and pain that went towards her.

I discovered she blocked me today. Changed her name and everything so I can’t find her. I miss her terribly and I can’t seem to figure out why.

It’s like a terrible ache in the pit of my stomach and I hate it because she doesn’t deserve the feeling she gives me. She doesn’t deserve my pain.


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invisibleC 9/2/2015 - 11:15 pm

she doesn’t indeed deserve your pain. so don’t feel pain because of her. we often forget that we, ourself, should be and IS the most important person in our life. i hope you get through this mountain soon. good luck buddy.

flyingnorth 9/8/2015 - 10:14 pm

This is very true. I hope I can some day make myself the most important person in my life. That would feel nice. Thank you

Trix 9/3/2015 - 4:47 am

You’re so right – she doesn’t deserve your pain. Nobody would. Whatever her reason is, I think you have to look after yourself now. I know you can’t help hurting over her, but it might be better not to have her around and causing more pain.

flyingnorth 9/8/2015 - 10:16 pm

I’m hoping you’re right; the not having her here to cause more pain part, I mean. Thanks, Trix

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